torndowntoberebuilt images

I finally did a thing today I’ve been wanting to do (and people have been encouraging me to do) for a long, long time. I’m finally diving in! If you’re mildly curious or interested in knowing more - DM me and I’ll connect with you. • • #honorthepause #chasethelion #torndowntoberebuilt #benaiahfit #writer #reflections #inspo #healing #healingjourney #abusesurvivor #testimony #overcomer #writersofinstagram #blogger #lifecoach #blog #lifecoaching #thesideshowproject #thesideshow #onward #stepoutofyourcomfortzone

Thankfulness: the “bumps in the road” of life. #overcomer #mindset 💪 Life, has many bumps in the road and failure is NOT found within these bumps… It is found when we allow these bumps to stop us in our tracks. Don’t let discouragement in the delays of life cause you to give up on your purpose (or pursuing it). We cannot control what happens to us, we can only control our response to it. Let those bumps show yourself and the world what you’re made of. #grit #resilience #perserverance **clearing that 10 foot wall without assistance from a step tho…**🤗🤗🤗 #magic • • #fightinfighter #ocr #ocrathlete #ocrlife #obstaclecourseracing #obstaclecourse #spartan #spartanrace #spartanwomen #proathelete #lifecoach #lifecoaching #lifecoachforwomen #lifecoachingtips #coach #coachlife #championsmindset #athlete #chasethelion #benaiahfit #torndowntoberebuilt

Thankfulness: Uncertainty. Never feels great in the moment but it has always challenged me to grow, trust and experience the most amazing moments of my life. • • #worldtraveler #womenwhotravel #womenwhotravelsolo #travel #healingjourney #healing #breakingchains #notallwhowanderarelost #wanderer #abusesurvivor #freedom #lifecoach #writer #livelaughlove #thankful #grateful #blessed #torndowntoberebuilt #benaiahfit

Thankfulness: Simplicity. The older I get - the more I appreciate and long for the simple, quiet moments of solitude and richness. • • #worldtraveler #womenwhotravel #womenwhotravelsolo #travel #healingjourney #healing #breakingchains #loveaddiction #abusesurvivor #freedom #greece #mykonos #foodie #loveroffood #lifecoach #writer #livelaughlove #thankful #grateful #blessed #torndowntoberebuilt #benaiahfit

Thankfulness: for all of those who have misjudged me or judged too soon…it’s ok ✌️I still like me #youremissingout 🤪🤸‍♀️😉🤗😁 #giftofimperfection #authentic #liveauthentic #lovedeeply #deepcallstodeep #goodtimes • • #adventure #adventurer #loverofculture #nature #healingjourney #healing #breakingchains #goodboundaries #goodbyes #selflovejourney #selflove #confidence #loveaddiction #abusesurvivor #freedom #lifecoach #writer #livelaughlove #thankful #grateful #blessed #torndowntoberebuilt #benaiahfit

Thankfulness: Party of ONE☝️🤗 #solouno #datingmyself 🙏❤️🦋 • • #worldtraveler #womenwhotravel #womenwhotravelsolo #travel #healingjourney #healing #breakingchains #loveaddiction #abusesurvivor #freedom #switzerland #lifecoach #writer #livelaughlove #thankful #grateful #blessed #torndowntoberebuilt #benaiahfit

Just let it all go 🦋 • • #healing #healingjourney #growth #release #letitgo #letgo #onward #upward #nextchapter #transformation #selfhealers #lightupthesky #lifecoach #lifecoaching #lightitup #lanternfestival #torndowntoberebuilt #benaiahfit

If we feel uncomfortable on the inner exploration journey of our lives, it’s a sign we are changing. Please note that we should always feel SAFE, but we should not always feel comfortable. (If you feel uncomfortable AND unsafe then it’s a sign of toxicity or danger and you should leave or get out). If we feel comfortable, it’s because we are in an environment or experiencing that which we were previously normalized to…which isn’t always healthy, good, or helping you live into your greatest potential. Being uncomfortable is a sign that we are healing and something new is happening with us. So lean into it for however long you need to so that you can reach breakthrough - even if it feels or gets dark - there is a light at the end of the tunnel. 💪 • • #selfhealers #healing #healingjourney #journey #selfgrowth #selfgrowthjourney #getuncomfortable #breakthrough #coach #lifecoach #lifecoaching #lifecoachingforwomen #torndowntoberebuilt #benaiahfit #desertwanderer #lifeinthedesert #lasvegashiking #getoutside

One of the hardest things to do when you’re healing and working through some old patterns and habits (I.e. triggers and the results of trauma that became methods of protection that no longer serve you as an adult) is to practice SELF-COMPASSION. When all of you is laid bare before your eyes and you see the depths of yourself and the parts that are not pretty, it can feel overwhelming, shameful and exhausting. It can make you want to run and hide away. Makes you angry (at yourself). Sad. Embarrassed. [insert self-defeating emotion here ________]. All I can say is STOP. You’re only doing what you have been programmed or conditioned to do. And now you’re aware of it. And you’re working hard to change the pattern. Even if others don’t understand what’s going on and they’re only seeing and feeling the SYMPTOMS of your life while you are finally understanding the CAUSE and are rooting it out - be KIND and PATIENT with yourself, because at least you’re making progress (even when it doesn’t feel like it). Practice self-compassion because letting go of old parts of yourself is a process. A long, hard and often painful one. And what initially might appear as a setback is really equipping you for greater capacity. It’s a blessing in disguise and can lead you to the best version of yourself. #growth #healing So, remember to be BRAVE and BELIEVE in yourself - even when no one else does or understands you as you try hard to break patterns and habits that can sabotage or subconsciously pushes people away. Remember you have permission to begin again and again. Letting go is hard, but sometimes it’s the biggest blessing we can receive. • As I always tell my clients, “change is hard in the beginning, VERY messy in the middle and beautiful in the end.” #onwardsandupwards • • #lettinggo #breakpatterns #healingjourney #loveaddiction #loveaddictionrecovery #yoga #meditation #faith #selfcompassion #selfhealers #grace #selflove #selfcare #lifecoach #lifecoaching #lifecoachingforwomen #coach #torndowntoberebuilt #benaiahfit #chasethelion

I just.can’t.stop.being so grateful. Life can feel hard at times - ok, many times - but you know what? When you CHOOSE to take that “birds eye view perspective” everything changes. There is no “mountaintop experience” without passing through the valleys and the struggle of the climb first. And that makes the view so much sweeter; when you recognize the effort and struggle you had to go through to reach the peak and what you had to overcome to get there... It truly changes your perspective. It naturally enables gratefulness. So embrace it ALL! 💪 And just a simple reminder that growth ONLY really happens in the valleys. So don’t rush that part of journey either, ok? • • #thankful #grateful #blessed #getoutside #perspective #perspectiva #faith #hope #love #selfgrowth #lifeisajourney #zion #zionnationalpark #angelslanding #birdseyeview #torndowntoberebuilt #chasethelion #benaiahfit #growthjourney #healing #selfdiscovery #lifecoach #lifecoaching #coach

When you ask God for mountain tops, expect to pass through valleys first. When you ask God for blessing, expect breaking to happen… because if things are just “given” to us and we haven’t yet been properly prepared for it, then we will just lose what was given anyway. We have to be developed so that we can sustain what WILL be given and that development only comes through experiencing loss, disappointment and pain. • • #faith #healing #abusesurvivor #nextchapter #healingjourney #onnward #trust #trustGod #letgo #faithmovesmountains #mustardseedfaith #lettinggo #faithinspo #inspo #speakthetruth #jesus #chasethelion #benaiahfit #torndowntoberebuilt

Mindset is a powerful thing. I believe that people who are successful aren’t successful because they are more talented or even more skilled. Successful people are successful because they have a mindset for success even during failure. We must trust the process, even when the journey gets rocky. God is developing you for the plan that He has created for you to live out. God puts us through “stretching seasons” to prepare us mentally for the destination that we are heading towards. Having certainty in times of uncertainty does not mean turning a blind eye to what’s going on around you. It doesn’t mean that you won’t have feelings of fear, we’re only human. It means that we, as followers of Christ, CHOOSE to have FAITH AMONG THE FEAR and negativity that may surround us. It means that even with fear in our minds, we know that the Lord WILL provide us with whatever we need to carry on. So carry on my friend, carry on 💪 • • #faith #journey #mindset #faithoverfear #trust #process #confianza #fé #camino #letgo #letgoletgod #surrender #hope #esperanza #motivationalquotes #motivation #motivacion #chasethelion #torndowntoberebuilt #benaiahfit

It’s so easy and tempting to become guarded with others and skeptical with God when unexpected hurt shatters the way we thought our lives should be. But remember - “the aching pain you feel is actually proof there is a BEAUTIFUL REMAKING in process” It’s not stuffing down feelings. It’s not mustering up courage to make something better. It’s not pretending like you’re fine when you’re not. It’s about OPENING YOUR EYES to all the goodness that IS ALREADY THERE. It’s about taking a hopeful perspective - to know that your are MORE than what has happened to you more than what has been taken from you and more than what can never be the same. • We can’t change what has happened to us - but we can choose how we move forward, even when we still hurt or don’t understand. We can not just choose to SEE beautiful again. But LIVE beautiful. #choosejoy • [adapted from Lysa Terkeurst] • • #perspective #faith #hope #love #livebeautifully #inspo #peace #forgive #beautiful #lovewins #seebeautiful #lightinthedarkness #rampart #hidingplace #godslove #remain #zion #sandcaves #chasethelion #benaiahfit #healing #torndowntoberebuilt

And suddenly she realized, life doesn’t come with guarantees that we won’t get hurt again. But we don’t have to be afraid any more. Especially if we choose to love again. To believe again. To hope again. ❤️ It’s so easy to let beautiful moments quickly get robbed by the past. Old triggers beg us to give into the fear of what could be around the next corner. But as a Beloved child of God - and having the love of God be shown to me though others here on this earth in a real and tangible way - I’m realizing I’m not meant to live in fear or let it terrorize, taunt and rob me of beautiful present moments. I’m meant to have PEACE - and peace is not about perfection. It’s about PROGRESS. Learning to make progress with my fears and triggers. I can feel afraid, but don’t have to live afraid of the future. I can be present in the day without letting the fear of tomorrow steal my peace for today. I can focus on what is right in front of me and trust God to hold my future and my heart. And I can let go and JUST BE. • “The sign of progress is to let the fear drive you to remember God and run TO Him instead of forgetting Him and letting fear run rampant in your heart and mind.” • I still get scared sometimes - but I thank God every day that I can overcome that. I don’t have to do it perfectly, I just have to make progress. 🤗 • • Adapted from “Seeing Beautiful Again” by Lysa Terkeurst • • #healing #healoutloud #abusesurvivor #healingjourney #inspo #selfdiscovery #faith #eyesup #grace #covertabuse #growth #growthmindset #breathe #progress #progressnotperfection #switzerland #apenzeller #mountains #hiking #getoutside #chasethelion #torndowntoberebuilt #benaiahfit

At the time this photo was taken I thought my whole world was going to fall apart, but a year later…I have a completely different outlook and perspective. And the funny thing is… I heard a phrase the other day that rattled me to my core, reshaped my view of healing and was confirmation that all I had been going through (and still am - as healing is not linear or fast) is NORMAL and EXPECTED. Here’s the quote: “The more you heal, the more it appears and feels like things are falling apart. But it’s actually things falling OFF.” Things like: Old patterns. Fears. Traumas held in the body. Insecurities. Toxic people and groups that are not FOR you. Unhelpful defense mechanisms. Unhealthy cultural or belief systems. Doubt. Faulty thinking. [insert more here] • Some days things still feel so overwhelming…I didn’t know that healing could feel so chaotic…and like it was stripping me bare of anything and everything I have ever known. At times - peaceful. Powerful. Other times - like a war is raging inside my head, heart and mind. Highs and lows. I feel so exposed. But ALL of it is GOOD. I’m still in the thick of healing - we all are in many ways (or for those of us at least who are aware and WANT to heal and grow and are actively working on it) - but I’m more at peace with how chaotic and daunting healing can feel because I.AM.HEALING. And in healing the things that need to fall off ARE. And now I’M BECOMING…🤗 And that, is something worth clinging to. 🦋 #mariposa #transformation #healing #healingjourney #healingprocess #butterfly #journey #abusesurvivor #abuserecovery #hope #faith #chasethelion #becoming #torndowntoberebuilt #thesideshow #thesideshowproject #benaiahfit

“We don’t always get to choose our situations, but we can choose how we live through them” • Darkness and Difficulty is the perfect training ground for Destiny. But we have choices to make. Will we see the dark times as a womb or a tomb? Is it a birthplace of something new or the death of what we thought should be? Will we fix our eyes on the truth of God‘s ultimate goodness and plan, or will we give into hopelessness and despair? The choice is ours. [adapted from “Seeing Beautiful Again”] by @lysaterkeurst • Often in life we get to choose if we will shadow box - or dance - with ourselves… and by ourselves I mean our deepest thoughts, feelings and beliefs (and often our hard-wirings from our upbringing and cultural conditioning). We have to challenge all of those things because… “Just because they’ve always been, doesn’t mean that they always are.” I hope they makes sense. But if not, what I’m trying to say is when shit hits the fan, don’t let thoughts, feelings, fears, etc be the truth. Challenging them. And then rewrite them with a positive outlook and hopefully mindset. Trust redirection in life. It’s not that everything is falling apart, it’s that everything is falling together. 💪🤗 • I know they say “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” But in all reality - when life gives you lemons, create a whole new libation that you know will not only bring enjoyment to your own life, but also to the life of so many others. Make.something.brand.new and enjoy it! And change the world for the better. 💪🤗 #rewritethestory #rewritethestars • • #purpose #passion #vision #chasethelion #benaiahfit #dreambig #dreambigger #dream #storyteller #inspo #motivation #motivational #entrepreneur #businesswoman #bossbabe #transitions #torndowntoberebuilt

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” ― Maya Angelou • You cannot control other people - what they do, what they think, what they say, what they believe… but you can control yourself - your words, your attitude, your actions, your perspective… So… Keep learning. Keep growing. Keep evolving. Keep elevating. Rise up. Rise above. Rise beyond. Just Rise. • • Shoe model for @newbalance yes? 🤔😜🤗 • • #transformation #motivation #perspective #rockscramble #perspectiva #mariposa #hiking #getoutside #quotes #mayaangelou #choosejoy #redrock #hike #rise #torndowntoberebuilt #chasethelion #benaiahfit

Sometimes you just gotta push through all the noise to accomplish your mission. Don’t let anyone stop you or throw you off track. #passion #purpose #calling • “Change invites both compliments and criticism. Sometimes people criticize what they don’t understand. Just remember what comes out of someone’s mouth is a reflection of their heart, not yours.” • • #abusesurvivor #abuseawareness #speakup #narcfree #covertabuse #healing #inspo #fitnessinspo #healingispossible #inspiration #findyourwhy #ocr #ocrathlete #obstaclecourseracing #ocrlife #spartan #spartanrace #chasethelion #torndowntoberebuilt #benaiahfit

• #mentalabuse #perth #torndowntoberebuilt #free #jesus #justforme #myownwords #poetry #respect #scapegoat #sociopath #speakup #abondoned #abusivefamily #arttherapy #australian #benaiahfit #blacksheep #blacksheepofthefamily #boundaries #childabuse #christian #christiangirl #christianliving #clubhouse #dailybible #dailymotivation #datingadvice #domesticabuse #domesticviolence

• #mentalabuse #perth #torndowntoberebuilt #free #jesus #justforme #myownwords #poetry #respect #scapegoat #sociopath #speakup #abondoned #abusivefamily #arttherapy #australian #benaiahfit #blacksheep #blacksheepofthefamily #boundaries #childabuse #christian #christiangirl #christianliving #clubhouse #dailybible #dailymotivation #datingadvice #domesticabuse #domesticviolence

• #mentalabuse #perth #torndowntoberebuilt #free #jesus #justforme #myownwords #poetry #respect #scapegoat #sociopath #speakup #abondoned #abusivefamily #arttherapy #australian #benaiahfit #blacksheep #blacksheepofthefamily #boundaries #childabuse #christian #christiangirl #christianliving #clubhouse #dailybible #dailymotivation #datingadvice #domesticabuse #domesticviolence

Just a girl out here trying to hold onto Faith Hope and Love. Nothing more. • When life throws everything it has at you - cling to these three. Everything else will fade away anyway. • • #faith #faithoverfear #standfirm #hope #love #letnothingmoveyou #eyesup #jesus #devotedforlife #inspo #motivation #torndowntoberebuilt #chasethelion #benaiahfit #nature #redrock #desertwandering

. • #freedom #mentalabuse #narcissiticabuse #perth #torndowntoberebuilt #domesticabuseawareness #education #free #gegengewalt #gewaltgegenfrauen #gewaltgegenfrauenstoppen #gewaltschutz #h #jesus #justforme #myownwords #nachrennungsgewalt #narcizam #narcwise #narzissmus #nasiljenadzenama #poetry #postseparationabuse #psychopath #respect #scapegoat #sociopath #speakup #abondoned #abusivefamily

I watched myself go from the happiest, outgoing person to fighting every day to heal. So yes, this comeback is personal. • Healing is a long, hard process and it’s NOT a linear journey. Like training for any sport - there are good days and bad days. Steps forward and steps backward. Days of triumph and days of pain. Easy days and hard days. Just days. Days and days. And you have to take them all together as they come no matter how you feel about them to keep seeing progress. You have to keep working and pushing forward. • If God seems to be writing an unusual story in your life, don’t resist His penmanship on the pages of your days. And definitely don’t rip out or throw away any pages. Because every one counts. The story won’t be the story without them. • *gliding along in the healing waters of a lagoon in Jamaica* 🇯🇲 • • #passion #purpose #findyourwhy #abusesurvivor #speakthetruth #writer #inspo #narcsurvivor #speaktruth #covertabuse #healing #healingjourney #narcfree #narcissism #emotionalabuse #storyteller #psychologicalabuse #thesideshowproject #jamaica #faith #torndowntoberebuilt #chasethelion #benaiahfit

It’s officially official - back in the OCR #obstaclecourseracing world 💪 After over a year and a half hiatus - Im excited to have 3 races on the books: •My first @spartan Stadion race (competitive stadium run) •A competitive Spartan 10K (followed by a fun 5K team race with clients and employees from work) •@americanlungnv Scale the Strat (the day after the Stadion race 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️😂) Eyes on pro @hyroxworld in May, @ocrwc in October and wanting to throw in another new race somewhere in between… @savagerace ? @gritgamesocr ? @toughmudder ? Something else? Who knows… I will get in one short distance triathlon race somewhere in there but not sure when or where. • I’m returning to the racing world a completely different person. I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been emotionally (and physically - now that the stress and anxiety of being in an abusive relationship is gone), but I have no goals in mind except to race competitively and do my best. No accolades needed. No podiums to chase. No strict training plan except to just stay well rounded - balancing base cardio with functional physical strength, some grip training via getting back into rock climbing and a greater focus on mobility, flexibility and recovery. However there is a lot more grace and acceptance of myself - who I am and where I am at in life. Fitness is important but it’s not my life. This sport does not define me. It is not who I am. It is simply what I do. It’s a platform to inspire my writing. Hold me accountable to fitness. And to build community that mutually enriches each others lives - not takes for selfish purposes or self promotion. (It is my career however, so it’s something I post about a lot…but I love that I have so many other areas of my life that I pour into and grow) It’s also just to have freaking fun! So let’s go 2024 💪 • • #ocr #ocrathlete #prowomen #ocrtraining #obstaclecourse #athlete #chasethelion #perspective #traininginspo #mentalhealth #abusesurvivor #abuserecovery #covertabuse #healing #healingjourney #spartan #hyrox #ocrwc #torndowntoberebuilt #benaiahfit #madetougher

• #perth #torndowntoberebuilt #free #jesus #justforme #mentalabuse #myownwords #poetry #respect #speakup #arttherapy #australian #benaiahfit #boundaries #christian #christiangirl #christianliving #dailybible #dailymotivation #datingadvice #domesticabuse #domesticviolence #endurance #faithoverfear #female #forme #godloves #godlovesyou #gospel #healingvibrations

May God use my mess and story to help and free others for His love, purposes and glory. 🙏 #thesideshowproject #thesideshow #narcawareness #abusesurvivor #covertabuse #powerinwords #speakthetruth #writer #healing #healingjourney #torndowntoberebuilt #benaiahfit

#australia #boundaries #lovebombing #mentalabuse #poem #respectwomen #treatmebetter #abusesurvivor #freedom #love #myoutlet #narcfree #strong #toxic #traumabonding #chasethelion #christianlife #creativeoutlet #disrespect #hoovering #letgo #loveyourself #narcabuse #perth #relationshipproblems #sociopath #survivor #torndowntoberebuilt #domesticabuse #domesticviolence

#therapist #therapy #torndowntoberebuilt #toxicbestie #toxicworkenvironment #traumabondingisnotlove #traumainformedcounselor #traumaquiz #traumatest #trustyourgut #understandingabuse #unlovedchild #verbalabuse #vibration #youarenotalone #youdeservebetter #youmatter #yourenotalone #yourenotcrazy

I discovered my purpose in life! #kissingalpacas 😘🦙 Or is it a llama? 🤷‍♀️😂 • But seriously… sometimes the worst things that happen to us in life are what launch us into our God-given passion and purpose. Don’t EVER deny the hard chapters of your life. Don’t rip them out. Don’t skip past them… because what good is a story if there is no conflict? How will you be an Overcomer if there is nothing to overcome? How will you be Victorious if there is no victory to be won? Get through the tough chapter. Let it teach you the lessons you’re meant to learn (and be open to learning). Turn the page. And let the story continue… Because the next chapter can’t unfold without the previous one. And don’t forget to kiss an alpaca… 😘 • • #torndowntoberebuilt #chasethelion #abusesurvivor #abuseisabuse #covertabuse #narcawareness #covertnarcissisticabuse #narcabuse #narcfree #speakthetruth #speakup #mariposa #writetoinspire #writer 🦋

Never stop growing. Never stop learning. Never stop trying new things. Never stop chasing your dreams. Never stop believing. Never stop being you. Never stop. Just.Never.Stop. (except to rest, listen, be still which HELPS you to grow and reach your potential faster…but the point he was trying to make is to never settle for less than what you know you’re capable or worthy of…) • Words of wisdom to “daddy’s little girl” ❤️💪 • • #dreamchaser #neversettle #chasethelion #benaiahfit #torndowntoberebuilt #chaseyourdreams #inspo #motivation #motivationalquotes #inspiration #choosejoy #dreamer

I refuse to be broken from the outside. Like an egg, when an egg is broken from the outside - life ends. But when an egg is broken from the inside - life begins. I can choose to either let the hardships and pressures of life break me from the outside - to become bitter, cynical, fearful… Or I can let them break me from the inside - giving me new life - purpose, passion, perspective… I choose not to crack, I choose to break free. • • #torndowntoberebuilt #Benaiahfit #chasethelion #healing #narcfree #abusesurvivor #inspo #motivation #quotes #fighter #overcomer #breakfree

“Feet, what do I need them for when I have wings to fly?” • Going into the hardest race I have ever done - not just physically, but mentally - so parallels the healing journey I’ve been on. It has felt like forever. And the struggle has been difficult. Like a butterfly working to shed and get away from its cacoon…the breakthrough has often felt so far away at times and unattainable. But it’s IN THE STRUGGLE that I have earned and found the strength… and now I’m ready. It’s time to fly. Will there still be more healing and growth? Always. But I am reminded everywhere I look these days (ever since my sabbatical I took last summer to start the healing process I see monarch butterflies everywhere! Even in places you wouldn’t expect!)… that I was MEANT for this moment. • “RELEASE” is the word I received from God for this year. I never know exactly how the word I receive is gonna play out, but now I understand more than ever. There’s freedom that has been waiting for me - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually as I have been doing the hard work and struggle of healing. I have found the freedom of release… - releasing negativity. releasing toxic people and environments. releasing years of patterns that have held me hostage. releasing shame and fear surrounding all I’ve been through in life releasing inhibitions and expectations and releasing who I was so I could finally step into who I was created to be It’s time. Time to take flight. #mariposa • This race signifies it all for me. My first long course triathlon (70.3 miles at 7,000 feet altitude) - the longest distance I have ever raced physically and mentally…preparing for it has felt like my healing journey the past 7 years. Difficult. Taking forever. Exhausting. But the time has come. To shed the cocoon, gather the strength I’ve gained in my wings through the struggle and take flight. Let’s do this 💪🦋 • • @biggerthanthetrail @trimountainman #roadtoirinman703 #mountaiantri #chasethelion #torndowntoberebuilt #benaiahfit #transformation #abusesurvivor #narcfree #doepicshit #blessed #monarch #healing #choosejoy

Someone recently said to me that I’m “dedicated” when it came to my training. I chuckled and just responded, “no, not dedicated, just disciplined.” Discipline supports dedication. • Left to my own devices I wouldn’t workout much and I definitely wouldn’t race. I would probably just hang with my friends and family, go out and eat, drink and be merry. I love great tasting food. Experiences. Trying new things. Quality crafted beverages. Time with friends and family shared over a good meal. … But in 22 years as a fitness professional - I’ve had to become disciplined. I have to practice what I preach. I’ve created habits that are so ingrained in me that I couldn’t shake them now if I wanted to. And I wouldn’t feel like myself anymore if I did (one of these days my body will sleep in on it’s own past 4am). Plus my mental and emotional health depend on it. I can be dedicated to working out - in my mind and heart - but if I don’t create and practice the daily discipline of actually DOING it…my dedication means nothing. I can be dedicated to someone and not put in the discipline needed to maintain the relationship. I’m extremely dedicated to the idea of writing a book but now I’m starting the hard practice of actually DOING it - working to establish a new discipline. So the honest truth is no, I don’t like racing and doing all this working out. I don’t need to chase accolades, podiums, medals, body image or recognition or have a fan club. I most look forward to the beer and meal I get AFTER the race. But I sign up for races because it supports my discipline. My discipline of being physically active, mobile and strong (especially mentally) - and now even moreso - my new discipline of writing. Training and competing supports my passion and purpose: Tying together training/competing experiences with the journey and process of healing from trauma and to give hope, stand for truth against emotional/psychological abuse and help/encourage others in their healing process through physical fitness - because they are so interlinked. THAT is what I’m dedicated to. Everything else is just discipline. • #ChaseTheLion #TornDownToBeRebuilt #Benaiahfit #fitnessinspo

Just because a few of your dreams have turned out to be nightmares doesn’t mean you should stop dreaming. • • #torndowntoberebuilt #chasethelion #benaiahfit #dream #dreamer #healing #abusefree #narcawareness #narcsurvivor #narcissism #survivor #standfortruth #freedom #riseofthephoenix #mariposa #transformation #neversettle #purpose

Pretty sure I have the “Reverse Midas Touch” 😂 I’m 2 for 3 on sports snafus in the past 48 hours as I’m trying to train for my first #ironman703 Was practicing a little river swimming and about 1300 yards in my goggles just snapped in half - right down the middle while swimming up stream. This morning was biking with my bike coach and got to the end of our 2 hour ride and I was JUST thinking in my head, “hmm…it’s been awhile…I should probably do a refresher on how to change a bike tire again soon” and then POW! 🧨🎆x2 I got TWO refreshers!! AND I learned how to “boot” a bike tire. Been riding for almost 2.5 years now and not a single flat tire and I got 2 in one go! 💪And when your bike coach makes that low whistle noise while checking out the damage to your tires…you know you have that extra-special “reverse Midas touch” talent when it comes to getting flats 😂 On the bright side the snafus led to more laughs, lots of stories and getting to my beer and hangout time with friends much faster! 🤗 Special thanks go to @perlewitzchris for putting that nasty grape gu to use (needed to go somewhere!) and to @k_marie2 @adamrm and Bianca for warding off some jet skier’s while I swam. 🙏 Also VERY thankful I didn’t crash on my bike cause we were definitely booking it! My mentor always said “life is what happens when you’re making plans! You just gotta shake it off, learn what you need to learn and just.keep.going”💪 Wonder what’s gonna happen on my run tomorrow? 🤔🤪😂 • • #ironman #roadtoironman703 #TriathlonTraining #Triathlete #livelaughlove #chasethelion #torndowntoberebuilt #choosejoy #carpediem #jehovahnissi

Make today the day you get over your deepest fears, craziest anxieties, and debilitating mental thought processes that have held you back and kept you captive from stepping into the version of YOU that you’re meant to be. No matter how hard. • • I have a video post to come soon about some deep life lessons I learned through taking my first surf lesson in Spain. I took a 3 month solo “healing sabbatical” trip through Europe - focused on doing what I love again (travel, culture, art, writing, etc) and trying to heal from an emotionally & psychologically abusive relationship…getting back to the ME I used to know. I was purposely throwing myself into situations that would cause anxiety and fear to give myself the confidence again that I was strong enough on my own and could overcome anything. The last thing I did was face my fear of the ocean by taking a surf lesson. I hadn’t been in the ocean in 18+ years. I nearly drowned twice and was almost attacked by a tiger shark all within a 6 month time period back in high school. I hadn’t been in open water since until I started triathlon training 2 years ago. But the ocean was my final “battle” to overcome. I learned so much about surfing, the ocean, and waves that can apply to life and I can’t wait to share it with you when I release the video I made that day. But for now - all I can say is that it was one of the worst hours of my life (what were you expecting me to say?! 🙅‍♀️😂)… but I’m glad I did it! I’m glad I took a private lesson and learned from someone who was comfortable in what was my chaos. I’m glad I faced my deepest fear. I’m glad I worked through my anxiety. I didn’t just survive, I overcame 💪 I can’t say I would naturally run back and do it again - I didn’t love it - but I now KNOW that I can. Ultimately I learned that there is beauty to be had and lessons to be learn in and from the chaos that make me stronger, wiser and more confident. I’m no longer living in fear and w/anxiety - ready to conquer whatever life throws at me. More healed. #yourturn • • #TornDownToBeRebuilt #ChaseTheLion #healingjourney #narcsurvivor #narcfree #europe #surfer #faceyourfears #carpediem #benaiahfit

Learning to ride a TT bike is like learning to get back out into the world after an emotionally abusive relationship. It’s scary as #$@! 😬 Both require the ability to relax, let go and trust yourself all at the same time while trying to sit in a position that LOOKS comfortable from the outside, but is not. Been working with my bike coach in preps for my first @ironmantri 70.3 in September on how to ride a TT, discuss race strategy, and learn different techniques and methods to ride. While hopping on the TT for the first time was fun and exciting - I quickly learned that learning to ride one is harder than it looks! And when you hit those downhills?!? You FLY and it’s SCARY!! Especially because the breaks are NOT on the TT bars and being able to balance yourself while going 40 mph (sometimes while its windy) in order to move one’s hands off the TT bars to the handle bars with the breaks is no small feat of mental gymnastics. • Stepping back out into the world after long term emotional/psychological abuse and learning to practice healthy behaviors is no small feat either. Perhaps you can relate to some of these challenges on the healing journey: •Setting boundaries. •Removing yourself from toxic situations or people who surround/support a toxic person to protect your peace. •Being misunderstood or mislabeled because of those boundaries. •Learning to trust (and listen to!) your gut instincts. •Learning to trust others •Watching behavior vs listening to words. •Processing, journaling, therapy •Deep body work to heal the somatic system as your body and brain have to literally detach from being addicted to chaotic cycles. •Dealing with extreme exhaustion as your body comes off the cycles and finally finds peace. •Getting back to things/people you love & bring joy. •Trying new things - like learning to ride a TT! And as time goes on, with daily practice and intention - like healing, it gets easier and more comfortable. You finally get to the place of enjoying the ride… Confident and at peace #asitshouldbe • • #TornDownToBeRebuilt #BenaiahFit #abuserecovery #healingjourney #narcabusesurvivor #narcawareness #roadtoironman703

This comeback is personal… • • • #torndowntoberebuilt #benaiahfit #healingjourney #writer #narcabuse #narcawareness #abusesurvivor #survivor #thetruthwillsetyoufree #thesideshow #setthecaptivesfree

“Sometimes the miracle is not about getting the mountain to be moved, it’s in realizing that you can run through it.” • In training for my first REALLY long distance endurance race #ironman703, I’m recognizing I have to change everything… •learning to move at a much lower intensity •nutrition •my overall training plan and how to fit it all in - it’s time consuming! •mindset - especially how I approach training, the race and how I will handle my thoughts on race day Most of my previous competitions are 2.5 hours or less and I can go HARD the whole time… @spartan @ocrwc @hyroxworld @deka.fit short distance triathlons… but learning to keep my body moving steady for 6-8 hours? 🤷‍♀️ This is new territory for me in every way!! • As I was leaning into the “uncomfortable-ness” of my first long distance track workout, my thoughts wandered from the above points to life and the healing process. We’ve all had to go through tough times in life, but coming out of traumatic environments often leads to some unnecessary crap - that on all normal terms - should be over and done with quickly…but instead it stretches on and on. I just want stuff to be over. It SHOULD be over. But it’s not…and if all the years of research is correct, it won’t be for some time. So I have to learn to play the long game - the endurance game. Sometimes, we’ve been praying for a quick miracle to happen - for a person or situation to “turn around” and change. But the real miracle is actually what is happening in US. Learning that we are strong enough, resilient enough, more than capable…of running the whole race through… I just have to change my mindset - just like for this race! #miraclesdohappen • ~Hebrews 12:1-3 • • #HealingJourney #Healing #RunTheRace #Perseverance #Endurance #Mindset #narcawarness #abusesurvivor #torndowntoberebuilt #ChaseTheLion