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Do you ever feel like fun has been outlawed - but just for you. Like you’ve been thrown in jail but… you’re not in jail. Like you moved away from everyone and everything you loved but they are all still there. Like you’re in a museum dedicated to the memory of your life. Everyone keeps telling you that you can live your life but you just can’t. The world is not designed that way. I sometimes go out and see people enjoying themselves and it’s a cold reminder that my life doesn’t feel like mine any more. At least, it’s not one I gave up willingly. It did not go freely. It might sound melodramatic, but the disconnect I feel between Me Pre-Arthritis and Me Post-Diagnosis is real. A lot of people who come to disability later in life describe a grieving process in watching their old life die, while they are left behind as some sort of grim effigy to it. These restrictions on my life are not mine. I did not and would not choose them. But I have to keep enforcing them, like some kind of sadomasochistic play. I’m not even having a good time! A lot of people try to help by saying your life has only just begun and you can do X thing to amuse yourself. Sure, but I am not the active mother I once was, the employee I once was, the wife I once was, or the friend I once was. But I walk around in that same body like I still am. And there is an uneasiness in describing it as grief, when you had the privilege of being abled at some point in your life. It could be interpreted as saying disabled lives are not as worthy. This couldn’t be further from the truth. What it is, instead, is the shock of understanding how ableist the world truly is. It is so weird being trapped by your own body, and the grief is just… confusing.

5/2/2024, 6:18:40 AM

Motivation Monday brought to you by: #waistbeads , repost from @erynamelism , and hot girl summer. 🔥🔥⚡️✨✨🌟⭐️💫 Your Radical self love journey will confuse the people you’ve outgrown. To them: you look different. Doing too much. “Wasn’t like that before” & all of these things will be true. They will be right. They will also be okay where they belong, checking and spectating. Because to those who want to see the best in you will magnify the best of you. Will see it, note it and promote it. If you trust me, try this: Enjoy yourself more. Reveal your best angles to yourself. Mirror what feels right until it becomes smooth practice. & when you decide to share this newfound appreciation with that lover you’ve manifested/ you know the very angle to hit them with, that says “Yeah. I’ve done this before. You’re welcome” #MomBodAppreciationPost #RadicalSelfLove #IfItFeelsRightDoItTwice #SelfiesForSelfcare #NowHiringAPersonalTrainer #IGotAHiddenStallionInHereSomewhere #RealBodySummer

4/24/2024, 5:27:04 PM

Smear Test done ☑️ I was recalled after 12 months due to presence of hpv, pretty scary but not as scary as cervical cancer. The most important form of self care, a few minutes of discomfort to help achieve a life time of health. Don't put it off! #selfiesforselfcare #selfcare #smeartest #cervicalcancer #hpv

4/9/2024, 12:53:01 PM

I'm so tired of her stealing my photos to catfish ppl. And so so tired of her making new profiles on every social media platform to steal them. Please, kindly fuxk off ma'am. You're a grown ass woman and I absolutely 100% do NOT want you in my life. You are one of the worst humans I've ever met, and I wish you'd go away and stay away. Get therapy. Anyway, I edited some photos cuz I'm an ethereal work of art or whatever. #fae #faefolk #cottagecore #cottagecoreaesthetic #witches #witchesofinstagram #butterflies #witchyvibes #witchybabe #cottagebabe #darkcottagecore #witch #faeries #fairy #fairies #green #bopo #bodypositive #fatbabe #fatandpretty #mentalhealthisimportant #mentalhealthmatters #effyourbeautystandards #losehatenotweight #loveyourcurves #selfiesforselfcare #selfcareisimportant

3/28/2024, 10:01:06 PM

Trying out my new filter cover for my @flomaskusa! In one of my COVID groups, someone shared that because FloMask filters don’t use static, you can cut out filter covers, using thin cotton fabric (think quilting fabric), in the shape of the filter. Trying it out at my yearly exam with my PCP today; so far, does not seem to make breathing any difference, and this galaxy design is in trans colors to go with my #ProtectTransKids shirt from @transfigureprintco and my #nonbinary colors earrings from @queerkwe. Community care and trans activism (accidentally left my keffiyeh scrunchie at home, but did compliment the front desk person wearing their keffiyeh) and spoonie health care all in one. #HospitalGlam #SelfiesForSelfCare

3/6/2024, 9:53:35 PM

Shabbat Shalom my darlings. It’s such a hard world to be in now, and rest is more important than in ever, in order to keep doing the work of resistance and revolution for all of us. I hope you are doing something to rest, ground, and restore yourselves, and then continue to recommit to the work we must to together and in community. Also thank you to @queerspeak for this lovely shirt…I don’t really know how to style T-shirts outside of PJs, but am trying! It is an important message. Good Shabbos! #ShabbatShalom #SelfiesForSelfcare #CeasefireNow

3/2/2024, 11:52:38 PM

I'm not well, and so drained from constantly trying to be OK and better the current shitstorm situation at home. We are doing our best, I hope, but it is not enough. I'm afraid I won't be able to get back into photography and art the way I wanted this year. There is really no time for things that don't pay bills right now. I am so sad and anxious, I have been shaking and crying for several days in a row now. I almost called a nurse today, but can't afford a medical bill. This really socks and I feel so lost. #mentalhealthisimportant #mentalhealthmatters #cptsdawareness #cptsd #anxietyisabitch #anxietyawareness #justkeepswimming #justbreathe #generalizedanxietydisorder #witch #bopo #bodypositive #fatbabe #fatandpretty #fatgirlscan #effyourbeautystandards #losehatenotweight #loveyourcurves #selfiesforselfcare #selfcareisimportant

2/29/2024, 12:05:00 AM

Here’s my face since you haven’t seen it in awhile. I haven’t been feeling well but I’m starting to little by little each day. #mentalhealth #mentalhealthdisorder #visibilitymatters #majordepressivedidorder #ptsd #recovery #survivor #nomakeup #selfiesforselfcare #psychiatricdisabilities

2/28/2024, 4:21:28 AM

Today was my quarterly #migraine shots appt with my neurologist, where I get now 40+ shots in my face, head, neck, and shoulders (it used to be less, but after 12 years, they are slightly less effective, or long covid has switched things up🤷🏻‍♀️). Here is my #HospitalGlam #Spoonies #SelfiesForSelfCare . In good news, I found that the flickering of lights I have been seeing the last few months (that neither Allie nor Leo notice) is a random migraine symptom and not me seeing ghosts or having scary neuro issues. . In bad news, I have found that one of the few abortive medicines that works for me, that was taken off the market years ago because it was not making money, and that I have been paying $100/month out of pocket to get compounded, is now gone for good. They stopped making the components as it was t popular enough to make money. This is a huge blow (for me and many others with migraines) for whom Midrin/Migrazone/compounded versions were the most effective ways to treating migraines, and at least in my case, allows me to remain semi functional during my multiple migraines a week. Still processing this further loss of pain management. . I wore my 🍉 earrings today because I didn’t want to get the blood from my shots on my Keffiyeh (though perhaps that would be apropos, given what is happening). Two people recognized them and offered solidarity. Don’t stop talking about it. Not ever.

2/14/2024, 5:38:44 PM

Happy hump day y’all! Debuting these new earrings that go so perfectly with my dress. #SelfiesForSelfCare #NonbinaryFemme

2/1/2024, 5:29:38 AM

This is my fren, wert. Or Mr.toad. aka: the perfect man. Muahahaha. He loves photos, but has resting toad face, so it's hard to tell. Anyway, we wanted to say: Ello! Please drink some water!!! You dehydrated goblin!!! Love you. OK, bye! #fae #faefolk #cottagecore #cottagecoreaesthetic #witches #witchesofinstagram #toad #witchyvibes #witchybabe #cottagebabe #darkcottagecore #witch #faeries #fairy #fairies #witch #bopo #bodypositive #fatbabe #fatandpretty #fatgirlscan #effyourbeautystandards #losehatenotweight #restingtoadface #selfiesforselfcare #selfcareisimportant #dreamcore #faeriecore #faeriemagazine #ethereal

2/1/2024, 4:22:43 AM

First day with Dr. K. Teaching queer class again this semester and so looking forward to these awesome students. Please ignore my root growth; I haven’t had the spoons to dye my hair in months. I always try to avoid wearing a cat dress or rainbow dress on the first day, so that there is somewhere to grow to…so moons and stars it was. Had to combine two weeks, since the first day was supposed to be last week but I got stuck at the DCA airport. Setting intentions for a meaningful, engaging, and grounded semester. #ThisIsWhatAProfessorLooksLike #SocialWork #SelfiesForSelfCare

1/24/2024, 3:56:15 AM

Layered shirts remind me of high-school. Ahhhh, wtf kinds of pics would my phone have been full of if I had a cellphone over 20 years ago?! Would've been nice to have selfies from then. #fae #faefolk #cottagecore #cottagecoreaesthetic #witches #witchesofinstagram #witchyvibes #witchybabe #cottagebabe #darkcottagecore #grunge #witch #bopo #bodypositive #fatbabe #fatandpretty #fatgirlscan #effyourbeautystandards #losehatenotweight #loveyourcurves #selfiesforselfcare #selfcareisimportant

1/17/2024, 1:08:16 AM

I looked pretty freakin cute last night for the first time all week. Documenting it for my records. #SelfiesForSelfCare #Spoonie #Femme #NonbinaryFemme

12/24/2023, 7:16:09 AM

For those who have been asking, I am in fact still alive. I’ve been sick for a full month and been consumed by work, but I am still living and breathing. My poofy sick face for proof. 🌞 #selfie #selfiestagram #selfiesforselfcare #selfiesfordays #selfienation #selflove #selfcare #selfietime #selfportrait #selfworth #selfiequeen #selfhelp #selfiecentral #selfmotivated #selfiegamestrong #girlswithtattoos #tatoos #girlswithink #tattoolife #tattooed

12/17/2023, 4:46:32 AM

Yesterday’s outfit (pre coat and boots), because I did look pretty dang cute for our adventure. No idea why, but continue to be obsessed with angel wing sleeves, but they are so hard to find! I wound up crashing early because of all the walking, but still had a wonderful time. #Spoonie #SelfiesForSelfCare #NonbinaryFemme

12/11/2023, 4:28:09 PM

It’s been a really tough month, physically (including a current three week long migraine) and emotionally (watching multiple genocides take place and actively losing much of my Jewish community as I fight for the right of Palestinians to live). However, I am constantly looking for little moments of joy, so please enjoy this month’s outfits as #ThisIsWhatAProfessorLooksLike #SocialWork #DrKattari #SelfiesForSelfCare

11/30/2023, 9:49:56 PM

Humira Day - I often refer to it in my stories. Real ones will know what it means, but others might have missed it I take an injection of Humira once a fortnight. It’s what’s known as a biologic DMARD (Disease Modifying Anti-Rheumatic Drug). Regular DMARDs are things like Methotrexate (chemically made), and biologics are grown from biologically sourced cells - a lot like how insulin is made Because I take it once a fortnight, it ends up wearing off towards the end of that fortnight, which is also known as tapering. This means all my symptoms of pain and stiffness come back 🫠 That’s today. I had things to do today and I did them, but I’m paying the price now. Dinner is being cooked by my Other Half and I have to keep asking people to fetch things for me. Words are hard. Even walking to the loo is a struggle 🙃 Posted a photo of myself because I’m quite obviously exhausted. But it’s also hiding the photo I added of me doing my injection, in case that’s not your thing (there is no needle - Humira comes in a big single use pen) But I also posted the photo because my dress is nice 😌 Dress: @keshetdesign #rheumatoidootd #paindrobe

11/8/2023, 8:35:44 AM