reasons to grieve after it’s been nine years since my father died … 🥀 ~I can’t call you and riff about whatever’s moving and going on ~you don’t know my husband ~you don’t know most of my friends ~you’ve never been to lands I call home ~we can’t do repair work when hard things arise from the past ~we can’t laugh, enjoy and play together ~your verbal guidnace and affirming hug can’t be felt ~some memories are fading ~I don’t get to see how you would have changed and evolved as I have done the same ~I can’t have you witness the magik that being an adult has unfolded as ~ I wonder how you would have responded to the times of now 🖤 A mere glimpse of a few reasons why… What’re your reasons that you grieve after years have passed since you lost your kin ? 🌹🥀🫀 #innerinvocation #grief #griefjourney #griefjournaling #secondaryloss #griefguidance #griefguide #thegreatmother #soulgrowth #griefawareness #loveyouforever #griefofafather #fatherfeather #somatic #selflove #interconnected #interconnection #birdguidance #altar #ritual #reclaiming #remembering #honouringthedead #lifedeathlife
I had someone really important to me apologize for their behavior & reactions after our pregnancy losses. I nearly started bawling because it meant so so so much to me. I have missed this person immensely & I feel lucky to have someone in my life who is kind enough to admit mistakes, to not be too proud. If you don’t know how to support someone going through loss, ask some questions. If you already said something not great, take responsibility for it and try to do better. We need all the support we can get ✨ #miscarriageawareness #pregnancyloss #infertilityjourney #infertility #pregnancylossawareness #pregnancylosssupport #miscarriage #recurrentmiscarriage #recurrentpregnancyloss #babyloss #angelmom #lossmom #worstgirlgangever #grief #bereavedmother #grieving #ptsd #selfworth #womensmentalhealth #ttcafterloss #ttcaftermiscarriage #secondaryloss #healingrelationships #nevertoolate #behonest
Unfortunately, we all can experience people in our lives who can make us feel so insecure & so small. I have always tried to make things right with people, even at the expense of my own mental health. I recently tried to reopen the door with my MIL who knows about our losses. Sadly, I was met by the same self serving, narrow perspective rhetoric that has harmed my mental health in the past. It is hard to realize that someone doesn’t value your safety, your perspective or vulnerability. The lack of compassion & grace that has been shown will not go unnoticed anymore. I’m walking away from any relationship that causes me to feel more insecure then I already do. #miscarriageawareness #pregnancyloss #infertilityjourney #infertility #pregnancylossawareness #pregnancylosssupport #miscarriage #recurrentmiscarriage #recurrentpregnancyloss #babyloss #angelmom #lossmom #worstgirlgangever #grief #bereavedmother #grieving #ptsd #selfworth #womensmentalhealth #ttcafterloss #ttcaftermiscarriage #secondaryloss #motherinlawproblems
June sign up for The Secondary Support Circle is open! This will be the last Secondary Support Circle until the fall. Follow the link in my story to secure your spot, or send me an email at [email protected] 🩷 #secondaryinfertility #secondaryloss #infertilityduringmotherhood #holdingboth #TTCbaby2 #TTCbaby3 #infertilitylookslike #siblingcycle #rainbowbaby #medicatedcycles #secondarysupportcircles #ttccommunity #griefandjoy #secondaryinfertilitypod #occupationaltherapy #womenshealthot
Grief (II) Ever heard of the term 'secondary loss'? Where a primary loss often is visible for the outside world (death, divorce, health or any other kind of loss) a secondary loss (often losses) comes as a result of a primary loss. These often highly personal and invisible losses are a huge part of the whole package of grief. Secondary losses have to be grieved too. As they are mostly invisible and unknown to the outer world it's often a tough part of grief. A lonely part. While others think you 'moved on', deep down grief is still working it's way to the surface of your life. For me it's the toughest part of grief. But also necessary to feel and to share with my closest friends. They know what my 'secondary losses' are. The list is endless. Never assume a person 'moved on' after a certain amount of time. They probably are battling lots of secondary losses without anyone knowing. Support is still so needed in that phase of grief. Art by @andreazanatelli #grief #griefjourney #supportsystem #primaryloss #secondaryloss #adoptdontshop #always #hashtaghussle #thealgorithmsucks #freethegalgo #galgosofinstagram #greyhoundsofinstagram #galgoespañol #embroidery #embroideryart #artfortheheart #molskistyle
I miss feeling safe with being transparent with people. I hate feeling like I have to be cagey about my own story. I hate feeling unsafe in my reality and in relationships that were once a place of refuge. Secondary loss is just as heartbreaking. #miscarriageawareness #pregnancyloss #infertilityjourney #infertility #pregnancylossawareness #pregnancylosssupport #miscarriage #recurrentmiscarriage #recurrentpregnancyloss #babyloss #angelmom #lossmom #worstgirlgangever #grief #bereavedmother #grieving #ptsd #selfworth #womensmentalhealth #ttcafterloss #ttcaftermiscarriage #secondaryloss
dear Ambiguous G R I E F , One we all know in one way or another Loss of belonging Loss of home Loss of loved ones Loss of stability Loss of past selves Loss of dreams Loss of the Earth with concrete Loss of souls Loss of connections The list goes on and is so deeply individual And yet we all share a thread of this knowing Life doesn’t stop for grief It keeps on going Not only in the sense of time But the unfurling and unwinding of what it means to be alive When we know grief We can see it not only within ourselves but within one another Curiosity of stories unspoken Sharing of our hearts that have been broken How can we allow our webs to be interwoven How can we allow our grief to guide us Our dreams to be chosen Not stolen Though it is privileged to be in choice, to be able to dream How can we liberate our shadows To share our voice To amplify the voices of others who don’t have the space to grieve How do we honour these lost moments and people ? How do we share when we are grieving and let holding in? How do we hold one another in all our grief ? 🥀🌹 #innerinvocation #thegreatmother #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefguide #griefguidance #interconnected #deathwork #lifedeathlife #impermenance #collectivegrief #ambiguousloss #secondaryloss #interdependence
One of the common misconceptions about perinatal loss is that parents only lost their baby. But sadly, this could not be further from the truth. Those who navigate perinatal loss, including pregnancy loss, infant loss, stillbirth and all other forms of loss, are often left dealing with deep grief related to secondary losses in addition to the loss of their baby. #perinatalloss #pregnancyloss #babyloss #neonatalloss #stillbirth #infantlossawareness #infantlosssupport #pregnancyandinfantloss #maternalmentalhealth #maternalhealth #postpartumloss #grief #lossmom #lossmama #bereavedmother #bereavedfather #secondaryloss #secondarylossgrief #childloss #bereavedparents #bereavedparent #maternalmentalhealthmonth #coloradomoms #denvermoms #perinatalmentalhealth
The loss of a sibling is a unique kind of grief. It’s not just about missing our sibling , but also the future we imagined with them. It’s the empty chair at the table, the milestones they won’t be there to share, and the conversations we’ll never have. But it’s also about the past. It’s about losing the keeper of our shared childhood memories, the one who understood our inside jokes, who knew you in a way no one else ever could. It’s about losing the person who was supposed to be there through it all, from the first breath to the last. Sibling loss steals from us in so many ways. It robs us of our past, our present, and our future. It leaves us with a hole in our hearts that can never be filled. But even in the midst of our grief, we can find ways to honor our siblings and keep their memories alive. We can share our stories, laugh at the inside jokes, and find comfort in knowing that we are not alone. Join me in exploring the complexities of sibling grief and resilience on The Broken Pack™: Stories of Adult Sibling Loss podcast #siblingloss #secondaryloss #grief #bereavement #lossofsibling #siblingdeath #thebrokenpack #griefjourney #griefsupport #siblingbond #childhoodmemories #sharedchildhood #gonetoosoon #sibling
It’s my first Mother’s Day missing my mom. I’ve spent every day of the last 6 months thinking about our last hug- how tightly she embraced me, how happy she was to see me, how much she loved me. I think about how she was the only person I spoke to regularly on the phone. I would call her when- I needed advice, had questions about cooking, to tell her when someone said something mean to me, or when my son ate a new food, if I was bored, when I’d make a big sale, any minor or major inconvenience in my life. My first and only call was my mom. I miss her more than I could have ever fathomed. This Mother’s Day I’m thankful for my friends and their moms, for my husband’s mom, and for my customers that are moms that have all offered their shoulders to me for comfort and support. But most of all I’m thankful for the 46 years I was able to have with my mom and the 10 years my children were able to know how wonderful she was and love her. 💕 #secondhandsweetsvintage #secondhandsweets #mothersdaygrief #mothersday #grief #grievingdaughter #secondaryloss #griefandloss #griefawareness #missyou #mygriefjourney #mouring #parentloss #grievingonmothersday #lifeafterloss #loss #copingwithgrief #bereaved #talkingaboutgrief
🫸🏻🛑STOP, you may want to look at this! Do you know what Secondary Losses are? 🤔 Scroll 🤳🏻 through this post to find out more. I also share 11 examples to help create awareness around Pet Loss Grief Secondary Loss. 🌈 Let me know in the comments if you relate to this and/or if you didn't know about SL. 🤗🦋 . . . . . . #petloss #petlossgrief #petlosssupport #petgrief #petgriefisreal #petgriefsupport #pergriefisrealgrieftoo #secondaryloss #secondarylosses #grieftips #griefshare #griefsupport #griefawareness #griefeducation #grieftruths #grieftalk #griefwarrior
Updated dates for Holding Both’s May Secondary Support Circle! This group is very important to me, and I’m looking forward to the next group beginning three weeks from this evening. Follow the link in my story to secure your spot, or send me an email at [email protected] to learn more ! 🩷 #secondaryinfertility #secondaryloss #infertilityduringmotherhood #holdingboth #TTCbaby2 #TTCbaby3 #infertilitylookslike #siblingcycle #rainbowbaby #medicatedcycles #secondarysupportcircles #ttccommunity #griefandjoy #secondaryinfertilitypod #occupationaltherapy #womenshealthot
Check out my podcast on spotify or apple podcasts today about grief and loss and secondary grief and loss. It's not an easy thing to go through but I hope this message helps you a little today. #grief #loss #secondaryloss #secondarygrief #lossoffriendship #5stagesofgrief #stagesofgrief #lossofachild
The loss of a loved one can turn even the simplest daily routines into emotional minefields. Tasks once performed together become poignant reminders of the absence, triggering waves of grief and overwhelming emotions. Cooking a meal for one or shouldering responsibilities once shared with the deceased can intensify feelings of sorrow and longing. Everyday moments take on new significance in the wake of loss. An empty chair, the silence of unanswered texts or calls, or the familiar sound of a garage door opening at a specific time serve as constant reminders of what is no longer there. These ordinary occurrences become profound symbols of the void left behind, amplifying the ache of loss. The impact of such losses is profound and deeply rooted in our human nature. Attachment and routine, inherent aspects of our lives, are disrupted, leaving us adrift in unfamiliar waters. Tasks that once felt effortless now demand our full attention, serving as persistent reminders of the emptiness we feel. As we navigate through this new reality, the sharp contrast between past and present can be disorienting, requiring us to find our way through uncharted emotional territories. Resource: Truitt Institute
Secondary losses in grief encompass a wide array of intangible and tangible losses that extend beyond the initial bereavement. Emotionally, individuals grapple with the absence of daily support and affection from the deceased, leading to feelings of profound loneliness and longing. The camaraderie and shared interests once cherished with a close friend or partner who has passed away leave behind a void that cannot be easily filled, leaving individuals to navigate their lives without the joy found in shared experiences. Moreover, the shattered hopes and dreams of future plans, such as traveling in retirement or witnessing important milestones, serve as painful reminders of what will never come to fruition. Practically, the loss extends to support systems and roles within both personal and professional realms. Familial bonds may fracture with the death of a loved one, leaving individuals to navigate significant life events without the emotional support they once relied upon. Similarly, the passing of a crucial colleague disrupts professional networks, impacting career guidance and advancement opportunities. Moreover, the loss of role identity compounds the grief, as individuals struggle to redefine themselves in the absence of their former roles, whether as a spouse, parent, or caregiver. Financially, the loss of income and inheritance disputes further exacerbate the grief, forcing lifestyle adjustments and legal battles that add layers of complexity to an already challenging grieving process. Resource: Truitt Institute
It never ceases to amaze me that at every corner, every turn, grief is waiting for its attention, to play its part in my life. I remember one of the first things I thought about after J died was the enormity of this truth- that he had died, that I was going to somehow live with this fact for THE REST OF MY LIFE. It felt almost as crippling as the event itself. How was I going to hold this pain and survive. The years go on ( almost 4) and certainly there have been “ pain free” days and weeks. But I am always humbled when I think about how it has not shrunk, I have simply built a bigger container for it- I have rebuilt around this truth. #widowsofinstagram #widow #widowmom #widowlife #datingafterdeath #grief #griefjourney #lifeafterloss #thisishard #imissmyhusband #secondaryloss #widowjourney #startingover #imissmywife #secondchances #datingasawidow #widowsontherise #widowsdating #newlove #imissmywife #solodad #hotyoungwidowsclub #widower #widowerdating #widowswithchildren #newlove #youngwidows #widower #widowedlife #datingagain #youngwidow #trickygrief
Everyone's grief is unique, but recognising different types of grief can help us to feel less alone in our bereavement. #Grief #AnticipatoryGrief #DisenfranchisedGrief #SecondaryLoss #CollectiveGrief #Bereavement
The ripple effect of loss: when one goodbye brings a cascade of others. 💔 Reflecting on the secondary losses that follow the departure of a loved one. #ForGrief #GriefAndLoss #GriefProcess #GriefJourney #SecondaryLoss #GriefAndPain #LoveAndLoss #Grief
Because Black mothers’ safety and peace of mind in the fertility, birthing, and postpartum healthcare space matters. Because Black maternity healthcare starts at fertility, infertility and trying to conceive. Because healthcare in this country (USA) can feel unsafe for Black women. Black maternal mortality rates are significantly higher than other racial groups. Because Black women experience infertility at twice the rate of white women. Because cities like mine, Chicago, have fertility clinics largely absent in predominantly Black and brown communities. Because our collective voices are important, Holding Both honors all Black mothers and hopeful mothers-to-be this week and all weeks 🖤 #secondaryinfertility #secondaryloss #infertilityduringmotherhood #holdingboth #TTCbaby2 #TTCbaby3 #infertilitylookslike #siblingcycle #secondarysupportcircles #ttccommunity #griefandjoy #selfcompassion #secondaryinfertilitypod #occupationaltherapy #blackmaternalhealthweek #blackmamasmatter
Registration is open for Holding Both’s May Complete Circle! This group is for those who are no longer pursuing fertility intervention. Follow the link in my story to secure your spot, or send me an email at [email protected] 🩷 #secondaryinfertility #secondaryloss #infertilityduringmotherhood #holdingboth #TTCbaby2 #TTCbaby3 #infertilitylookslike #siblingcycle #rainbowbaby #medicatedcycles #secondarysupportcircles #ttccommunity #griefandjoy #secondaryinfertilitypod #occupationaltherapy #womenshealthot
Registration is open for Holding Both’s May Secondary Support Circle! Follow the link in my story to secure your spot, or send me an email at [email protected] 🩷 #secondaryinfertility #secondaryloss #infertilityduringmotherhood #holdingboth #TTCbaby2 #TTCbaby3 #infertilitylookslike #siblingcycle #rainbowbaby #medicatedcycles #secondarysupportcircles #ttccommunity #griefandjoy #secondaryinfertilitypod #occupationaltherapy #womenshealthot
The baby you have after a loss is called a “Rainbow baby”. Well this is mine, although with this new hair style it’s clear to see she’s no longer a baby (always will be to me though) Secondary loss or shadow loss as it’s sometimes called is a real thing, where you grieve someone you’ve not met because you see others around you grieving that person. I thought because Lola died before I had children that I’d escaped that, but no over the years they’ve asked some really difficult questions ❤️April William and Jax grieve for Lola, for the experiences they wanted to have with her, but that doesn’t mean when they grieve that they’re always sad, they grieve in many different ways with smash cakes and laughter if you’d like to know more please DM me. My children know that grief and sadness do go hand in hand but there’s also so much more room in there for everything else xx So my horsey daft, fun loving, quick witted daughter, I think will help alot of people in this world, she cares for others, has such a healthy relationship with grief and has a massive heart x @april.commons #rainbowbaby #loss #siblingloss #babyloss #secondaryloss #love #bereavementsupport #commonskids #haguegriefcosch
It can be overwhelming how much loss is associated with your person dying. Your future, your identity, your dreams, your relationships, your finances, your home, your work, your support, your community, your everything, the list is endless. #grief #griefquotes #griefquote #griefjoumey #griefsupport #griefawareness #griefstory #griefandloss #loss #griefandlossquotes #bereaved #bereavement #support #griefandlosssupport #grieving #griefhurts #griefsupportgroup #normalizegrief #griefafterloss #lifeafterloss #survivinggrief #supportthegrieving #secondaryloss #secondarylosses
On this National Siblings Day, I think about my family of origin. I am the oldest of three girls. As I’ve mentioned on my podcast, my family of origin was my “north star” as far as planning our family was concerned. I initially wanted to have three kids, two years and then three and a half years (+) apart, respectively. My perspective has shifted greatly in terms of “age gaps” given what I have seen through my work. I know there truly is no perfect age gap. The hard part is when you don’t get to decide. I think of the @holdingboth community on National Siblings Day. In addition to yearning for another child, the thought of having a sibling or sibling(s) for your child can be hopeful, and it can be incredibly painful when it does not happen in the way you have planned. When it does not happen at all. Holding space for you today if you are in the position to shift the focus on your family and embrace life for your child without sibling(s). Holding space for you if you are “in it” and all that you can think about these days is just that- seeing your child with his or her sibling. My DMs are always open. Keep an eye out for new groups opening for May 🩷 Allie & if you don’t already, follow @holdingboth for #infertilityduringmotherhood shared from the lens of someone who has been there. #secondaryinfertility #secondarysupportcircles #infertilityduringmotherhood #infertilitylookslike #siblingcycle #nationalsiblingsday #infertilitylookslike #rainbowbaby #secondaryloss #TTCbaby2 #TTCbaby3
Timing....... These last few weeks have been painful and eye-opening. As we know, when someone dies, things can go haywire really fast. We also know that emotions are high and feelings can get hurt. What I've been witnessing lately is a replay of what happened to me 14 years ago. However, I'm now the one being a support to the person it's happening to. What am I talking about? 14 years ago after my sister died was the last time I was acquainted with my father's side of the family. There were a lot of components that caused this. However, 2 were left out of compassion and love. As the mountain of grief and bullshit start to compile, things start to shift, and people start to change or do they reveal their true selves. Since I've been the person pushed out and now the person who is unbiased and estranged from the family, I see things differently. I'll say this before 2024 started I could hear loud and clear "It's time for you to step back in and take notes on what you see" I had no clue what was going to happen until 3.23.24 came and I got the phone call that my aunt (who I haven't spoken to in 14 years) died. Do you know, instead of being bitter or angry because of what happened 14 years ago, I was calling around trying to get my cousin's number. No hesitation. It didn't matter about the other stuff for me. I felt compassion, love, and grace. Although it took 7 years for me to find forgiveness for them I stayed away because I was not going to walk in a room with fake love, fake hugs, and I wasn't going to fake front. What I wanted was to stand in solidarity with peace and love. I flew for a day to my aunt's service sitting right hand to my cousin, but before I got to her, I had to release my thoughts with tears. This season of grief brought back a few suitcases I hadn't unpacked. When I tell you the tears started flowing and the entire time all I could do was hum and sit in my flood of tears. Yall let me say this releasing before my aunt's celebration and walking in the church where the people who left mean the side of the road of grief. I felt light and peaceful. With no hate in my heart but guarded by the most high. #lifeafterloss
Just some final thoughts on the fourth anniversary of my mom’s death… When my mom died from Early Onset Alzheimer’s, I did not realize how much it would affect me and my life. Honestly, I thought I would be mostly relieved that her suffering had finally come to an end. While I did have some relief, I wasn’t prepared for all of the things I would grieve over the years to come. Not only was I grieving her death, but I was also grieving all of the secondary losses that come with the death of someone you love. Four years later, I am still grieving those losses and realizing new ones as time goes on. After my mom died, I stopped talking to almost everyone on her side of the family. Alzheimer’s and death have a way of doing that. (I won’t go into the details here, but you can read all about it and the rest of our journey in my second book, “When Only Love Remains.”) Although I don’t regret anything, I still grieve the loss of those relationships—the loss of an entire family. I grieve the loss of holiday plans and get-togethers. I grieve the loss of conversations with people who hold her life’s memories. And I grieve the loss of any future plans we may have had together. I also grieve the loss of being able to call my mom when I need someone to talk to. I grieve the loss of being able to go visit her and spend time with her in any capacity. I grieve the loss of being able to buy her a gift or flowers for her birthday or Mother’s Day. I grieve the loss of the one person who always knew exactly what to say and would always have my back no matter what. And I grieve a million other little losses. The list goes on and on and on. The life I have always known is no longer. And the person who gave it to me is gone. There’s a lot of loss and grief that comes along with that. If you are grieving the loss of a loved one, don’t be afraid to acknowledge all of the secondary losses that come with it. And don’t forget to be gentle with yourself. Yes, it’s hard, but life goes on and so will you. Save this post for when you need the reminder. #alzheimers #alzheimersdaughter #grief #griefjourney #grievingdaughter #secondaryloss #healingjourney
[Onwards & upwards.] Het werd hier stil Want Bram & Bob Kregen te horen Dat er een jobpost Werd verloren. ‘ t Is werkloos toezien Hoe ook het werk Nooit meer hervat. (Soms heeft een mens genoeg gehad.) Gedwongen nieuw Horizonzoeken Met ook nog vaak Horizonvloeken. Het ergste was Al meegemaakt. (Bob komt wel Op zijn pootjes terecht) Die vieze smaak Verdwijnt weldra. (En Bram die krijg je Niet gekraakt.) [Onwards & upwards.] #rouwen #secondaryloss #secondarylosses #snacks #cats #handsofinstagram #soulmate #jobloss #komtgoed #resilience
I remind myself of this everyday. What do you keep putting off that you could do today? ♥️ • • • #losingalovedone #lossofalovedone #loveandloss #lifelessons #lifeafterloss #heartache #griefandjoy #copingwithgrief #thisisgrief #goodgrief #griefishard #widowhood #griefjourney #widowspeak #spouseloss #partnerloss #lossofapartner #grieftalk #griefrecoverymethod #griefcoaching #normalizegrief #whatsyourgrief #griefeducation #secondaryloss #griefcounseling #refugeingrief #widowedparentcoach
Join my FREE call today! As you know, grief is like riding a rollercoaster of emotions. And on top of that, there's the added sting of 'secondary losses' that tend to catch you off guard when you least expect it. Secondary losses are like those extra punches life throws at you while you're already down from losing someone or something you hold dear. It's not just about the initial loss itself; it's about all the other stuff that gets tangled up in it. Like losing the routines you had with that person, or the dreams you shared together. It could even be losing a sense of security or identity. Basically, secondary losses are all those additional layers of hurt and adjustments you have to make on top of dealing with the primary loss. The good news is, you don't have to face secondary loss alone, as it's the topic of today's FREE Community Call, Tea with Tara ☕ This is a chance for us to come together as a community of like-minded people on our grief journeys. It is a judgement-free zone where sharing is welcomed. Join me: Wednesday 20th March 6pm UK time (check the time where you are) Online on Zoom FREE Cameras on if you can please 😊 🔗 Link in bio to register. #grieftribe #bereaved #secondarylosses #secondaryloss #griefsupport
📡📟 #Siblings can shoot a knowing glance, look, laugh, etc and say a whole lot that others don’t understand- including their partners. 💔When we lose them, we lose that understanding and connection. 💕 I’ve been thinking a lot about how much I miss this now. I will post a reel on it later or tomorrow with some specifics. I will say, for me, the funeral highlighted this intensely as I wanted so badly to see his looks of understanding and what he thought. ❓How have you experienced this secondary loss? 🏞️ See link in bio for our website (thebrokenpack.com)to learn more about #disenfranchised grief and sibling loss and some of our offerings including our upcoming in person #griefretreat. #griefsupport #lifeafterloss #disenfranchisedgrief #siblinglosssupport #siblinglosssurvivor #survivingsibling #siblingsurvivor #thebrokenpack #mourning #loss #siblingbereavement #griefeducation #thanatology #thanatologist #psychologist #psychologistsofinstagram #grieving #griefretreat #bereavedsibling #secondaryloss Let’s #normalizegrief !
The book @goodmourningpodcast put together has been slowly showing me things about this journey I never expected. The newest one is this...loss can be a catalyst for change. Though the changes had already been put in place when daddy died, I find now that those changes are some just now ripe for the picking. May the catalyst continue but maybe in a less loss heavy kind of way! Thanks for the recommendation! #griefisntlinear #secondaryloss #cptsdrecovery #loveandloss #bereavment #findingmyway #willtosurvive
🫸🏻🛑 I wanted to draw attention to what's called 'Secondary Losses' within the journey of Pet Loss Grief 🌈. We can grieve for many things outside of the actual loss itself. I've shared 5 things in this post that are often very much felt by Pet Loss Guardians. ⬇️ ➡️ Can you relate to this post? Please share in the comments what numbers you relate too. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 or maybe all of them. 🌻 Follow Me for more! 🤗 . . . . . #petloss #petlosssupport #petlossgrief #petgrief #grieftips #griefsupport #petlosshurts #secondaryloss #secondarylosses #griefshare #griefsupport
@holdingboth community question🩷 Looking forward to hearing your responses ✨ #secondaryinfertility #holdingboth #infertilityduringmotherhood #secondaryloss #secondaryinfertilitymatters #TTCbaby2 #TTCbaby3
Most of the women I’ve talked to could have never seen secondary infertility coming. They feel blindsided. This question and the response deserve a spot in my feed. This is why I do what I do here 🩷 #holdingboth #secondaryinfertility #secondarysupportcircles #thirdcircle #infertilitylookslike #infertilityduringmotherhood #TTCbaby2 #TTCbaby3 #secondaryloss
Join us for an online grief vigil, where you can bring your sorrows and find solace in the company of fellow grievers. No matter the nature of your loss, all are welcome in this space of understanding and compassion. Here, you’ll be heard and seen, your pain acknowledged and validated. Through shared experiences and supportive community, you can transform your relationship with grief, turning it from overwhelming despair into a gentle companion. Take this opportunity to actively grieve, whether through reading, writing, or simply resting, and find a sense of belonging in a community that accepts and understands your grief journey Sunday February 25th 10 am PST All details and register with 🔗 in bio #GriefSupport #OnlineVigil #CommunityHealing #TransformingGrief #griefjourney #griefandloss #griefandlosssupport #integrategrief #tendandbefriend #childless #childloss #childlessnotbychoice #childlessafterinfertility #pregnancyloss #parentloss #losttocancer #petloss #widow #spouseloss #siblingloss #secondaryloss
One of my good friends texted me this today. I think there is something really special about friends who don’t know what it’s like but try to imagine and check-in. This bracelet was created by Rachel of @peakandvalley.beads The heart is my second son who was once amongst the embryos that are represented by the purple beads. To me, the gold bead on the other side of the bracelet represents my firstborn son who was never an embryo on the outside. I wear this bracelet frequently. I replied to my friend that I am okay, but I know that this legal ruling in Alabama threatens IVF on a broader scale. This makes me feel uneasy for the future of my family and the families to come. There’s a peculiar and unexplainable type of mental load to be carried when you have frozen embryo(s), and you’re looking at your child who once was amongst them 🩷 #secondaryinfertility #secondaryinfertilitymatters #secondaryloss #holdingboth #infertilitylookslike #infertilityduringmotherhood #secondarysupportcircles #thirdcircle
Starting the week with a question🤎 Right now I’m sitting at my parent’s house in Michigan by the fire finishing my second cup ☺️ Looking forward to hearing your responses ✨ #secondaryinfertility #holdingboth #infertilityduringmotherhood #secondaryloss #secondaryinfertilitymatters #TTCbaby2 #TTCbaby3
Secondary losses are a normal part of grief, and identifying and acknowledging them can often be the first step in grieving them. Visit our website for additional support: www.austingrief.org #Hope #Healing #Transformation #austintexas #secondaryloss #mentalwellness #griefsupport #AustinGrief #griefjourney #mentalhealthsupport #griefawareness #mentalhealth #therapy #griefwork #mentalhealthmatters
Happy Valentines Day from me, Allie, at @holdingboth. This is my holiday reminder to YOU that you can hope for another tiny Valentine to love next year. In no way does that discount the love you feel for your current child(ren). I have always loved Valentines Day. My love for it started when my Aunt and Mom would take my cousins and I to pick out stickers at a stationary store each year and we’d spend the day crafting and eating sugar cookies together at her home on Kingsley Drive in Michigan ♥️ I can picture the warmth of her kitchen now ✨ This day has always felt like warmth and a burst of happiness in the middle of the cold Midwestern winter. Do you have a special Valentines Day memory? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below 🩷 #secondaryinfertility #holdingboth #infertilityduringmotherhood #TTCbaby2 #TTCbaby3 #TTCafterloss #secondaryinfertilitymatters #secondaryloss
We grieve for the future we were robbed of 💔 #secondaryloss #grieving #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefeducation #grief #griefawareness #grieving #griefquotes #widow #widower #widowed #widowhood
The Chinese Lunar New Year is a time of new beginnings. 2024 is the Year of the Dragon, symbolizing strength, courage, creativity and innovation. 🐉 However, entering a new year can feel uncomfortable for a griever as it may feel that time is going by and we are somehow leaving our loved ones behind. It may help to remind ourselves that our loved ones are with us in many forms, depending on our memories and beliefs; we can find comfort in this. If you require support, please complete an Intake Form on our website (link in bio). #Loss #Grief #Death #LossOfALovedOne #CopingWithLoss #Hope #Healing #CopingWithLoss #CopingWithGrief #Coping #Support #SupportGroup #GriefGroup #LivingWithLoss #FreeSupport #SecondaryLoss #SecondaryLoss #MentalHealth #LearningHowToCope #CopingStrategies #Empathy #Compassion #MentalWellness #Quote #GriefAndHolidays #NewYear #2023 #LossAndHolidays #Love #ChineseNewYear
SECONDARY LOSSES -- HOW LONG IS YOUR LIST? . The death of our child is termed a ‘primary loss‘. Sadly, it’s not the only loss we must endure. Many bereaved parents fail to realize that the moment our child dies, we begin to experience ‘secondary losses‘. And these, like the devastating loss of our child, must also be grieved. For those new to the term, ‘secondary losses’ refers to all the collateral damage that comes as a result of the death of a loved one. These subsequent, highly personal losses form a huge part of grief. . So, how long is your list? Have you ever made one? . It’s not uncommon for bereaved parents not to have a list at all. We’re so overwhelmed by our grief that we can’t make head or tail of it. . In fact, it took me well over two years to even understand the implications of secondary loss because I was so crushed by the living nightmare that was my ‘new normal’. . Secondary loss works like a ripple effect. It flows out from the death of our child or loved one and grows ever wider, changing all the time. It’s all the losses that no one tells you about but you will be confronted with and forced to grieve nonetheless. . When friends and family find it difficult to comprehend the depth of our loss and ask why we’re not ‘moving on’ is often because they haven’t understood secondary losses. . I showed friends my list and they were shocked. . They’d never thought about how the death of my son affected simple things such as taking a photograph or planning a holiday. I then added that I’d stopped arbitrarily at 80 simply because the list, in fact, has no end. . One girlfriend looked dumbfounded: “So many are invisible. I never guessed.” . So I urge you to make your own list. Or perhaps copy the list below, highlighting the secondary losses that speak to you and adding your own. . My Secondary Loss List: (see comments below):
Thank you so much to everyone who tuned in to The Secondary Infertility Podcast over the past week. As of this morning, the podcast has reached 300+ downloads. It is an incredible honor to me to know there are people all over the world tuning in. New episodes will be released biweekly. Look forward to the next episode to drop on Thursday, February 8th, 2024. This is where the podcast has streamed 🌏 United States 🇺🇸 The United Kingdom 🇬🇧 South Africa 🇿🇦 India 🇮🇳 Australia 🇦🇺 Canada 🇨🇦 Can you guess where this picture was taken? (Hint: Somewhere in the United States) ^ Current me is dreaming of warmer days and sunshine ☀️ #secondaryinfertility #infertilityduringmotherhood #infertilitylookslike #TTCbaby2 #TTCbaby3 #holdingboth #secondaryinfertilitymatters #secondaryinfertilitypod #secondaryloss
Happy Black History Month! Please join CFGH in acknowledging, appreciating and learning from the great ways the Black community has shaped and contributed to our society. Today and everyday, we celebrate Black History 💛💜 #BlackHistoryMonth #BlackGrief #BlackExcellence #BlackLivesMatter #BLM #Loss #Grief #Death #LossOfALovedOne #CopingWithLoss #Hope #Healing #CopingWithLoss #CopingWithGrief #Coping #Support #SupportGroup #GriefGroup #LivingWithLoss #FreeSupport #SecondaryLoss #SecondaryLoss #MentalHealth #LearningHowToCope #CopingStrategies #Empathy #Compassion #MentalWellness #GriefProcessing
It’s so much more. #muzzledgrief #petloss #petlosssupport #grief #griefandloss #griefsupport #secondaryloss #notjustapet
So true! #griefawareness #faith #hope #love #grief #griefandgrace #grace #widow #widowmom #widowsofinstagram #fatherless #griefandloss #secondaryloss #wherearemypeople #movingfoward #forgive #forgiveness #griefandjoy #griefandgratitude #griefhealing #griefandhealing #grieving #griefcommunity #wherearemyfamily #griefwave #beautyoutofashes
@holdingboth GUEST POST 🩷 There’s something so special, and sacred about this little son of mine. In the excruciating throes of secondary infertility and a devastating pregnancy loss, I feel my special connection with him radiating — pulling me through my grief — bearing me up when I feel I cannot go on. When I had him I didn’t think he would be my first, and my last. I didn’t think he would be the only one of my babies I would ever get to hold. I didn’t want to recognize that every new phase he entered could be me saying a permanent goodbye to everything he left behind on his way. Sometimes I just sit on the floor and cry - clutching something he’s outgrown before I can bring myself to put it in the box knowing it may never come out. A strange emotional phenomenon showing up in all of this is that I constantly live in a duality. I ache and long desperately for the child who is gone, and also feel so completely in awe of the one who is here. I see babies sleeping in their parent’s arms, or siblings playing together and I feel genuine love watching them. Then, I look down at the empty seat next to him and feel the devastation of our lost baby all over again. There is so much disappointment, rage, and anguish - all while regularly feeling the deepest joy, realizing that I have everything - more than I deserve. How can my heart feel so full, and so empty at the same time? Releasing my desperation and letting go of the visions of my other child is the most painful thing I’ve ever done. I instinctually seem to think that grasping on even tighter to the future I wanted is the way to force it all to come true. But — the future is always uncertain no matter how hard I cling on, unyielding. In the end, the present moment is all I ever really have. And I suppose maybe that’s one reason he is so special to me. From the beginning he’s been teaching me to take in whatever is right in front of me while I can — to love deeply while the chance is mine. And then to let it all go when the time comes. Thank you, my sweet child — I’m profoundly lucky to be yours. I hope you’ll forgive me if I hold on too tight sometimes. #secondaryinfertility #holdingboth #secondaryloss
It is okay to feel angry in grief. Your anger is valid. A common reason for anger is all the people you thought would be there for you in your grief. Who said they would be there! And now you look around and they are no where to be found. They’re living their life while you struggle to grasp the concept of your forced new way of life without your person. It’s hard to struggle with grief after loss and then realize you have to face secondary loss grief as well. It’s just all so hard and frustrating. You are not alone and yes, it sucks!
If you know someone is grieving and you choose to ignore it, for the sake of your comfort, that says a lot about you. And it’s not heart-centered. Their grief is still there and now the fact that you choose to be unsupportive is a fact that adds to their grief. Grievers are faced with a decision to lose a relationship because that person is choosing to ignore a constant in their life. It’s called Secondary Loss and it sucks. Share with us below some things you would like to say to those whose relationship was lost or strained during your grief.
Entering a new year can feel uncomfortable for a griever as it may feel that time is going by and we are somehow leaving our loved ones behind. It may help to remind ourselves that our loved ones are with us in many forms, depending on our memories and beliefs; we can find comfort in this. If you need support, please complete an Intake Form on our website (link in bio). #Loss #Grief #Death #LossOfALovedOne #CopingWithLoss #Hope #Healing #CopingWithLoss #CopingWithGrief #Coping #Support #SupportGroup #GriefGroup #LivingWithLoss #FreeSupport #SecondaryLoss #SecondaryLoss #MentalHealth #LearningHowToCope #CopingStrategies #Empathy #Compassion #MentalWellness #Quote #GriefAndHolidays #NewYear #2023 #LossAndHolidays #Love
Has something like this happened to you? I remember calling the daycare I put myself on the waitlist for, cancelling my next ultrasound, and updating my app. Each of these was 💔 In honor of her and everyone else who has experienced this, I want to find out a way to help fix this. Even if my email or call doesn’t make a change- maybe a high volume of them will 🤞🏼 Comment in solidarity to this community member below🩷 #holdingboth #secondaryinfertility #secondaryloss #secondarysupportcircles #infertilityduringmotherhood #IVFjourney #IUI #medicatedcycles #miscarriagesupport #miscarriageawareness
Are you experiencing infertility during motherhood? Are you a mom who wants to have another baby or babies, but have come up against infertility and/or loss? This podcast will be for you. I know that infertility during motherhood is complex. I also know that it is possible to hold the joy of motherhood and the pain of infertility at the same time, and it’s important for me to spread that message far and wide 🩷 Holding Both presents The Secondary Infertility Podcast Coming Thursday January 25th! 🎙️ #holdingboth #secondaryinfertility #secondaryloss #secondarysupportcircles #infertilityduringmotherhood #IVFjourney #IUI #medicatedcycles #healthliteracy
I will always stand behind these words 💜 #secondaryinfertility #TTCbaby2 #TTCbaby3 #secondaryloss #infertilityduringmotherhood #holdingboth #infertilitylookslike
“The loss of something meaningful is not just one earth-shattering loss, it’s an immense loss followed by a series of smaller losses in its aftermath. This domino effect of subsequent losses is known as secondary loss.” This incredible diagram was so powerfully demonstrated by @whatsyourgrief founders Eleanor Haley M.A. and Litsa Williams M.A. LCSW. It perfectly showcases how secondary loss is intrinsically connected to grief and why we created our wrap around and holistic approach to care. We know that in order to heal the primary loss, the secondary losses also need to be addressed. Our strategy for care is designed to address the unique secondary losses that each family is confronted with through the consistent guidance and support of a trained mentor and mental health professionals. #cancer #grief #loss #secondaryloss #WWS #healing #mentorship
"The loss of something meaningful isn't just one earth-shattering loss. It is an immense loss, followed by a series of smaller losses in its aftermath. This domino effect of subsequent losses is known as secondary loss." @WhatsYourGrief co-founders Eleanor Haley, M.S. and Litsa Williams, MA, LCSW-C developed this visual representation to demonstrate how secondary losses are part of grief. From the outside, it's easier for people in our lives to "see" the primary loss, such as the death of a parent, a miscarriage, or a divorce, but oftentimes the secondary losses go unnoticed, despite still playing a huge role in our grief. We may not even perceive them ourselves if we haven't intentionally spent time reflecting on them. The graphic shares just a few examples of secondary losses, but there are so many others, including loss of control, loss of direction, and loss of family structure as it was once known. We want to hear about the secondary losses you have experienced in the comments below ⤵️ 〰️ #whatsyourgrief #secondarylosses #secondaryloss #griefandloss #griefeducation #grieving #widowlife #miscarriagesurvivor #childloss
🎉We're a few days late but wish our community a Happy New Year! 🎉 Entering a new year can feel uncomfortable for a griever as it may feel that time is going by and we are somehow leaving our loved ones behind. It may help to remind ourselves that our loved ones are with us in many forms, depending on our memories and beliefs; we can find comfort in this. If you need support, please fill out an Intake Form on our website (link in bio) and we will reply to you as soon as possible. Due to a high volume of incoming requests and inquiries during our recent holiday office closure, our response time may be longer than usual. We appreciate your patience. #Loss #Grief #Death #LossOfALovedOne #CopingWithLoss #Hope #Healing #CopingWithLoss #CopingWithGrief #Coping #Support #SupportGroup #GriefGroup #LivingWithLoss #FreeSupport #SecondaryLoss #SecondaryLoss #MentalHealth #LearningHowToCope #CopingStrategies #Empathy #Compassion #MentalWellness #Quote #GriefAndHolidays #NewYear #2023 #LossAndHolidays #Love
No matter if it’s the 1st Christmas without your loved one, 2nd 5th or 10th or whatever, it can be hard, especially when it seems like everyone is having so much fun and celebrating. Remember to feel your feelings and emotions and take it moment by moment.❤️❤️❤️ God bless you all! #secondaryloss #JesusSaves #grief #griefandgrace #familyhurt #holidaygrief #parentingthroughgrief #griefexpert #griefsupport #griefquotes #griefawareness #griefandhealing #writetoheal #healing #widow #fatherless #movingfoward #findingbeauty #forgiveness #widowlife #grieving #widowmom
Pregnancy loss, baby loss, and infertility is so much more than what meets the eye. It’s just the tip of the iceberg. What secondary losses resonated the most with you? Comment below ⬇️ #1in4 #miscarriageawareness #pregnancyloss #pregnancylossawareness #stillbirth #stillbirthsupport #infertilityawareness #inferlity #tfmr #tfmrawareness #grief #griefjourney #bereavedmother #bereavedparents #secondaryloss
It’s the holiday season. The whole neighborhood has their lights up. Christmas parties are going on. Music is playing every time you turn on the radio. Picture perfect holiday family commercials are on every time you turn on the tv. People you know on social media are posting “perfect” pictures at parties, celebrating with their whole family. It can sometimes be hard to not compare yourself to others, especially in grief. It can feel like everyone around you is happy, even happier than usually around the holidays, celebrating, going to parties etc., and you are feeling even more sad because of grief from losing your loved one. Also, if the friends and family you thought would be there for you in grief left you and were hurtful in their actions, grief and secondary losses and can even harder around the holidays. Here are some things to help when the holidays are hard. 1. Pray. Read your Bible. Be around Godly community. 2. Don’t feel like you have to go to every party, bake cookies, put up lights in every corner of your house, give gifts out to every one you know etc. Christmas isn’t about lights, cookies, music, or gifts anyway. That’s the material things the world talks about. Christmas is about the birth of Jesus into the world, our Hope forever! So don’t feel guilty about not doing all of that or as much as you usually do. 3. Don’t feel like you have to go to every party. Sometimes parties and events around the holidays can make you feel lonely or sad. So don’t feel obligated to go, and if you do go you don’t have to stay the whole time. Do what works for you! 4. Be grateful. Don’t compare yourself with others. You can’t compare your real, griefy days with someone else’s “perfect” social media pictures with their families that look like a movie. You can be grateful and have joy even in grief. It’s not that you are either grieving and feeling heavy emotions or being joyful and grateful you can do both. 5. Feel each emotion and forgive and let go of the painful hard emotions moment by moment, again and again. God bless you all! Magnolia Lane
Secondary loss in grief is such a regular topic to talk about because it’s a real thing. One example of secondary loss is when the friends and family you thought would be there for you and even be more supportive in your time of grief leave you. As you know, this hurts. When you have just been through the loss of a loved one, that is the main loss, which leaves so much grief, trauma, pain, sadness, etc. Then, when friends and family leave you in your hard time of grief, instead of stepping up to be more supportive and kind, that is a secondary loss and can make the time of grief seem harder. It can make you feel upset, sad, resentful and it’s understandable. But you need to forgive and feel your feelings moment by moment and let go of the unforgiveness and pain and heavy emotions. Forgiving and letting go of pain isn’t for them, or to say what they did is ok, and it doesn’t mean you have to want to talk to them, it’s for you, to let go of the pain and unforgiveness and move forward. Feeling your feelings and forgiving isn’t just a day by day thing, because you can feel sad, upset, happy, lonely, etc, all in one day. So take it moment by moment, feeling your feelings and emotions and forgiving over and over, again and again. It’s not just a one-time thing. Grief and secondary losses can be even harder around the holiday season because there are events you may not be invited to or included in. Or, you may feel like you have to see the people that were hurtful for a once a year holiday visit. Don’t feel like you have to go to events or that you have to stay the whole time. Do what you feel is right. Sometimes, going to events can make you feel even more lonely and sad. Remember Jesus loves you and wants to help you. Stay close to God always and in your hard time of grief. Praying a lot and reading your Bible are so helpful. And remember you are not alone. So many people have said the same thing about grief and secondary losses. God bless you all! Magnolia Lane
Throughout this holiday season, remember to be kind to yourself and to others. Grievers have often experienced a lot. It is helpful to take our minds off of the sadness, and to do something to help you feel better. Do something nice for you. Make that good meal or whatever and enjoy it fully. Reach out to a neighbor or an elderly person in your community and bring them a meal, or a small gift, to let them know you are thinking of them. This small act of kindness can make a big difference, both in your life, and in the lives of others. We can share the love with others through our actions. God bless you all! Magnolia Lane #grief #secondaryloss #movingfoward #Biblestudy #rebuildingbeauty #findingbeauty #Bibleverse #grace #griefandgrace #griefcommunity #griefsupport #griefawarness #widow #fatherless #widowlife #griefandgratitude #healing #griefandhealing #widowmom #holidaygrief #parentingthroughgrief #beautyoutofashes #grieving
Have you said, or has anyone said to you, “Keep moving forward”. I’ve said this, and I have heard others say it also. Moving forward may seem easier said than done when in grief. However, when we realize that God is guiding us, we can rest assured that our steps are directed by the Lord. Thinking about this can bring encouragement and can provide motivation to just keep on going. God bless you all! Magnolia Lane #grief #secondaryloss #movingfoward #Biblestudy #rebuildingbeauty #findingbeauty #forgive #grace #griefandgrace #griefcommunity #griefsupport #griefawarness #widow #fatherless #widowlife #griefandgratitude #healing #griefandhealing #widowmom #holidaygrief #parentingthroughgrief #beautyoutofashes #grieving
Did I give myself permission to grieve freely, at my own pace, and in the ways I needed to? Did I give myself permission to fully experience love? Did I allow for moments of happiness? Did I use discomfort and/or guilt adaptively? Was I honest with others and myself ahout how I was feeling? Did I embrace my pain in order to release it? Did I open my heart up to healing moments, once I was ready? #PhillyDeathDoulas #PhillyGriefTherapist #GriefTheory #CollectiveGrief #SharedGrief #GriefSupport #TheCollective #GriefSucks #Restorying #NarrativeGrief #SecondaryLoss #Grief101 #GriefTheory #Legacy #YouDontHaveToGrieveAlone #DeathAnxiety #BeingMortal #Mortality
This is one of the many reasons why I believe storytelling is so powerful ♥️ #secondaryinfertility #secondaryloss #miscarriage #infertilitylookslike #infertilityduringmotherhood #holdingboth #IVF #IUI #medicatedcycles
In all honesty…sleep has been pretty much non existent in my life for the past week and a half 💤 While so much has gone right and massive achievements have been made it all came with some serious heaviness, feeling like a 300 lb weight just sitting on my shoulders. 💤 It’s taken me quite a while to figure out why and instead of pushing for answers I have had to embrace the suck, feel it and eventually it would come to the fore front. 💤 And it’s all the secondary loss that is hitting me hard. Yes I achieved the barn build. Yes I achieved saving the lamb. Yes I achieved starting the largest breeding of sheep I have ever done. And I am damn proud of myself. But it doesn’t take away the heaviness that the person I started this whole thing with is not here to see it or celebrate it with me. The person that knows all the little and big struggles I have gone thru the last 3-4 years to get here, is not here to see it, share in it, high five me for it. It’s the secondary losses that suck just as bad as the initial loss. 💤 And often we forget that they will hit us. Or that it will hurt just as bad and feel just as heavy. And I absolutely have amazing people around me that can tell me they are proud, and can congratulate me, give me the high fives but it will never fill that hole. 💤 It’s a hole that will never be filled. Will never go away. We learn to live with it with grace, kindness and love and we carry forward in life. Somedays are harder or better than others but no matter what we stand up each day and take another step forward. Because as widows we are warriors. 💤 #notalwayseasy #secondaryloss #theharddays #whenitallhits #widowlife #widow #widowstrong #griefjourney #embracethesuck #grief #aviationwidow #farmingwidow #loss #keepgoing
A friend* told me they're struggling to grieve the death of their grandparents because now that they're gone, she realized their relationships with her weren't always loving. This is common, right? I don't mean she got into arguments with her grandparents; I mean they were harmful, violent, and angry people who consistently caused damage to my friend and their family members. And yet, when they died, the grief in her family was immediate for some and confusingly intermingled with relief for others. When you recognize abusive patterns in a relationship, and then the person dies, how do you start the grief process? Can you even have a healthy grief process if the relationship is complicated? Short answer: yes. Long answer: Yes, and you honor all parts of yourself while grieving all parts that you've lost. My friend's question went further to ask: Do I even have the right to grieve my own pain from their lives when they're now dead? At what point do I need to let the past stay in the past and move on? What we face here are secondary losses that surface as old, untended wounds. When a person dies, we reckon with our past connection to them and struggle to understand a future without them physically present. But when the relationship in the past is marred with danger and threats, learning to grieve the loss of their life includes also facing: - the relationship you wanted but didn't get - the loss of a family line - no face-to-face opportunity to repair the relationship - deciding if forgiveness for the harm is part of your process There are plenty more secondary losses you can identify if you relate, because they're going to be unique to your experience. Regardless, I want it to be clear that you will always have the RIGHT to grieve what you have experienced and what was done to you, even if the perpetrator is dead. Continued in the comments ⬇️⬇️⬇️
@holdingboth Guest Post • The day we found out we had lost the baby, we were supposed to get family pictures taken. We canceled and I assumed we would just skip them this year, I did not want to document this moment in our family’s history. And then one night, a photographer friend shared that she had a few openings available for mini sessions that weekend. I scrolled past and felt a small ache in my heart. I went back and booked a session. I still wasn’t sure I wanted to follow through. I was less than a week out from a d&c, I was crying at the drop of the dime, and any sort of celebrating felt hard. But that ache in my heart remained. Even though I was sad and recovering and in the depths of grief, I wanted to capture our family just as it is. The way my husband pretends to hate getting pictures taken, but loves to display them. The way our son smiles so big his cheeks squish up into his eyes. The love we have for one another. Those things were just as important to acknowledge as the grief and the loss. Both can be true. It felt odd to get dressed up and smile and laugh amidst the grief, but we did. We did it to preserve the memory of our family as it is now, because our family as it is now is worth documenting. ♥️ @katie.m.anderson #secondaryloss #TTCbaby2 #pregnancyloss #holdingboth
Can you believe that this is the final category for the first ever PDDC Reading Challenge? We hope to continue this tradition, and keep people reading and thinking and feeling about death, dying, and grieving. It’s increasingly pertinent—has always been, but ask any (good, ethical) death worker you know. We have been feeling the swell of collective loss and we need you with us. Thank you to those of you already in the fight. Share your thoughts and feelings about the books you read with our community and get personalized recommendations from fellow readers through the #pddcReadingChallenge hashtag. Let's come together and find knowledge, understanding, and comfort through the power of literature. Please note that this list is not all inclusive! We invite you to think critically about what you read and reflect on it — preferably where it will not harm PGM (like a journal, therapy, or other curated space). The FULL list of suggestions is linked in our bio and we welcome your suggestions. We have also created a GoodReads and StoryGraph challenge. #PhillyDeathDoulas #PhillyGriefTherapist #GriefTheory #CollectiveGrief #SharedGrief #GriefSupport #TheCollective #GriefSucks #Restorying #NarrativeGrief #SecondaryLoss #Grief101 #GriefTheory #Legacy #YouDontHaveToGrieveAlone #DeathAnxiety #BeingMortal #Mortality #PDDCReadingChallenge