There are just... no words to describe. Its not possible. #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
Why is it so hard to face reality? Am i really that weak? #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
what to do what to do #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
just do something, just do anything. It makes a difference. #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
Its scary to think about the future. It is ephemeral and clouded, filled with uncertainty and yet every single thing you do also has an impact on it. Overwhelming, so most people probably just dont think about it. #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
I think one of the most difficult yet important questions any one person can answer is this. How do you make yourself do the things that you want to have done? If you can answer that, truly find an answer that works, then you can go as far as you wish. #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
To live just one day in the shoes of another. Truly. Not filtered through oneself, just a true shift in perspective. #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
In another one of those mood phases where the euphoric feelings of completing a task is disappearing leaving nothing in its wake. An empty husk and I am left behind asking "what now?" Its like I just dont feel like doing anything and I know that will have consequences for my future but in these moments I just dont really care. #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
Im tired and I havent done anything. Make it make sense. Why does just existing require so much mental effort. There isnt so much as a dribble left for us to even talk about dreams or aspirations. #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
Back to some sort of state of normalcy. #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
shortest session in a long time. Sat with work for a deadline for the last 8 hours and I now have 4 hours and change until I need to wake up :( #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
Forgot to post yesterday. :( Doh. I had to move things around to make the schedule fit and then never remembered to post this. Oh well. #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
In the trenches of struggling. The frustrating part is that I feel like I can never know why it happens and often dont realize it is happening until after I am done for the day. This means that the drawing is often filled with frustration. Geh. #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
Almost missed drawing today because I nearly fell asleep. Therefore a little shorter session because I am sleepy. #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
It is comical and depressing at the same time, the role that external effects plays on things like mood, mental state and feelings and 9 out of 10 times we dont even notice. #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
I am trying to learn what i believe to be perhaps the most pivotal thing in doing. To not fear failure but to fear the fear of failure, to fear the thing that will keep me from continuing, keep me from improving. #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
An endless trek stretching as far as the eye can see. No matter how far you walk, how fast you go, it always seems like you have not moved. Your feet may hurt, your legs ache. And yet it will feel like nothing has changed. And yet everything changes faster than one can keep up with. #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
Silence is such an interesting phenomenon, it has quite interesting effects I find. Through silence natural decompression and reflection takes place. Sitting in silence seems to bring up the stream of thoughts that is always happening from subconscious to conscious. It is like a free therapy session. #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
What would you do for your dream? Would you kill one who stands in your way? Or would you let that which you yearn for die in the mind? What if that human which you must kill for your dream is the current you? Do you even have one? It is truly one of the hardest things to do, to find a dream which you are willing to fight for, willing to sacrifice for. I have my hands on the throat of the guardian of my status quo. My hope is that I have what it takes to slowly restrict their nourishment until they are no more. #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
I shirk my responsibilities, and I know that it will hurt me. The consequences like a rubber band pulled taut, it can no longer be avoided, the tension has been set and waits to be released. I shirk my dreams, that is more than tension, that is more than a rubber band waiting to snap. It resonates through time and matter. #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
I dont understand it. Any of it. I have a vehicle to steer and yet I know not the first thing about what makes it run. I may not look under the hood, for there is no hood, it is driven by something but to me it might as well be magic. Each input seems to go through a multitude of intermediary checks that alter the command given. Like sending a sound wave through another static that interrupts and jams the signal. #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
What is it to be happy? I've caught myself wishing for happiness in the recluse of misery but the truth is that I dont think its actually important. When I am deep in my mental anguish all I want is an escape from that anguish. I am pain averse, not happiness seeking, maybe that seems a bit sad. But I cant make myself put any real value in emotions, they are such fleeting things, impacted so easily by the smallest of things. I would like to hope that I would be prepared to give up happiness for misery as long as it meant purpose and fulfilment but I also know that that is in opposition to the decree I give to the universe in my every action. But one can always hope. #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
I am in purgatory, only of mind of course, but still suffering. I am afraid of the questions I ask because I am afraid I will start believing the answers my mind gives. Am I improving? Am I wasting my time? Why am I doing this? Am I doing things wrong? #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthiswhy? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
I'm going deep down in to the dark. I can feel it, it permeates existence itself, seeping into my core. A true shattering of what I have accepted, wanted to believe, needed to believe. It is necessary, but it is painful. #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
Sometimes I have to tell myself to just sit with it. Life can seem messed up, troubling, like things are crashing down on you. And they might be, but maybe that isnt the end of the world, it will surely suck and you will suffer for it. But you will (hopefully) survive it. #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
There is no hiding. The things you are afraid of dont disappear. It will feel like it, in the moment yes, but they wont. They will loom over you every second of every day until in the end all you can do is to deny, staring it in the face. I wish I could tell myself, I wish I could make myself understand. But in the moment, in the moment, it does yield such relief. #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
As a real technical expert, I can proudly say that it took me 20 minutes to configure and upload an image to instagram. 🥴 #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife
Catching myself doing a whole lot of yapping and not to much of doing. It is easy to forget that only by doing does one actually improve. It is easy to forget because I want to forget it, its easier to pretend like you dont have to put in effort, to just daydream and get some modicum of satisfaction. But that does not hold in the long run. #aspiringartist #traditionalart #portraitdrawing #learning #beginner #failingforward #insanity #suffering #noob #artbaby #creativelydepraved #existentialdread #whatnow #confusion #drawing #lookatme #internalstruggle #expressiondrawing #expressions #areyoureallyreadingthis?why? #nowitsstartingtogetridiculous #isthisevenart #wastinglife