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You think you know about heartache?
A break up, a broken friendship, people walking out of your life, nobody choosing you first. Many people would associate all those things with heartache but they’ll never comprehend what it truly is. Heartache isn’t even defined by death because at least death gives us closure. It closes a chapter that we’re forced to accept.
Heartache is Dementia. It’s watching somebody you love fade away more and more each day, it’s the personality switch and the fact the “new person” has your loved one’s face but they’re not themselves anymore. It’s having a loved one look at you and not know who you are or not being able to recollect that you existed in their life and they love you. Heartache is losing someone whilst they’re still living, missing them whilst they’re still here because your person is still there in front of you with the same face and the same warm smile but they’re no longer there within.
I miss my Nunna every day, I miss our conversations, I miss her warm hugs, I miss her telling me I’m so pretty even on days I never was. I miss her home which was my second home, a sanctuary. I miss everything of what used to be.
I’ve accepted what is, but my heart will never heal. I feel robbed of years I could have had with my Nunna as she was.
Regardless, I’m grateful for the time I did have, the memories we did make. I hold them close and grasp them tightly. The saddest thing is, dementia makes you lose your loved one whist they’re still living, only to be taking away their life forcing you to lose them all over again.
To my Nunna, i love you more than you know right now, but someday everything that used to be will return to you & you’ll remember me. ❤️‍🩹
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#Dementia #MentalHealth #Illnesses #DementiaAwareness #LoveAndLoss #Heartache #Heartbreak #Sadness #TheStruggle #IFeelSad #MandaPandaRants